There are times when one’s body just doesn’t cooperate. Like today I went to play with my shibari master friend, Funiculosus, and my tummy was a little unsteady.

I blame all the rich food over Christmas – and the heart medication! It seems that having the odd glass of alcohol doesn’t work well with the medication either.

So I took some Immodium and Gaviscon to calm things down a bit, which helped.

All the drive to see him I felt excited, but also a little internally unsteady. Not as though a warp core breach was imminent, but there were definite fluctuations in the power grid!

Once again as I pulled up he opened the door, this time I ran to him and embraced him and we kissed. I felt so excited to see him!

It’s bought him a birthday present, and he’d bought me a Christmas present – bless him!

I put the white puppy paw print socks on and the underwear he bought me, he set to work with the first harness. This time, he used a traditional shibari silk blindfold. I hadn’t expected it to be as good as the BDSM one, but it was actually better at blocking out light.

We kissed and cuddled and touched much more this time than the first time we played: we had a strong connection now.

I realised that whilst his personal smell was similar to my first great love, it was uniquely his.

He passed the strongly scented ropes under my nose and let me taste them. I breathed in their rich air of honeycomb from the beeswax he treats them with.

The first harness felt more complicated than the ones he did last time we met, which I enjoyed: being roped is an enormously sensual experience.

However, my mind wasn’t quite able to focus: my tummy wasn’t feeling settled. It showed most when he tried to rebreath with me: I couldn’t relax into it, so it didn’t work – that saddened me because when it does work it is a marvelously intimate experience.

So when he had played with me in that first time and before we started the second tie, I had a break and took an antinausea tablet, which did help. We cuddled on the sofa while it absorbed.

His hot body close to mine felt safe and reassuring. I explored his smooth, youthful skin with my fingers, able to really see it for the first time. I, who love hairy bodies, is now enamoured of his beautiful, hairless, and muscular frame.

The next tie he did without a blindfold, so I was able to enjoy the pure artistry of his work as he attended to the details of the bindings.

I’m afraid I distracted him a lot throughout the last and this tie with licks and kisses and breathing him in.

He put me onto the table and demonstrated some of his toys. The sensations were insane and he frequently had to put his hand over my mouth to reduce the noise I was making. Today we didn’t use many gags – I don’t think he wanted it to be too similar to the last session.

The last toy he inserted into the love tunnel was a puppy tail. A vibrating puppy tail.

Then he untied me and told me to get on all fours. He corrected my posture without words, as a puppy trainer would.

I find that when we play that my vocabulary seems to regress – similar to an ASD pre-shutdown state, but very different in origin and feeling. Shifting into puppy mode didn’t take a big push and I went totally non-verbal. Just the dog noises – I felt outside of myself in a totally wonderful way.

This was the first time that I’d ever gone full puppy with anybody – I hadn’t anticipated how important trust is in this kind of play. I feel so happy and safe in his company.

It takes time to entwine me, but it also takes time to extricate me – but I love that process also as the rope slides over my skin. He takes care not to give be rope burns, and I sense his care whether I can see it or not.

Finally, he put me back onto his tabke and tied my arms above my head so that my armpits were exposed.

He set to with the vibrating wands, touch, and the vibrating puppy tail.

This was an incredible experience, only marred by the dodgy feeling inside. It proved too distracting to reward him for his efforts.

We cuddled and kissed more on the sofa. I was quiet, peaceful, but still a bit inwardly uncomfortable. I felt annoyed with my body for not performing the way I wanted it to.

For a while longer we talked and cuddled, building that emotional connection between a Dom and his sub. Something I had only heard about.

He’d been cooking momos and dhal for his husband and family, and had prepared extra just for me … and, MY GOD! They were to die for!

I have found the perfect friend in Funiculosus: he is into rope bondage and he cooks my favourite food!

I do love him, whatever that word really means. Right now I’m taking it as describing an intense sense of affection and positive regard towards him. He makes me smile and laugh, he makes me so happy that I can cry tears of joy.

After more kisses and cuddles, I had to head home to my very real puppy. He could taste the dhal on me and he liked it.

During the evening we chatted on WhatsApp, like we do most evenings.

He said “I would like Pizza [the name of my pup persona] to be my puppy”.

“He’s your puppy,” I said, “nobody else has drawn him out and connected with him, that part of me belongs to just you.” He earnt that because he sees me. Something that occurs like a motif in his messages to me: “I see you” he says.

We’re not boyfriends. He has one of those already, whom he absolutely adores, but we have a little thing of our own.

Intimacy and love don’t have to be a monopoly of one person.