After I wrote the first part of this review, I discovered something that I’d written on the subject a few months before my surgery!

So here it is!

My ideal body

Starting at the top: HAIR! I’ve always wanted curly hair, colour doesn’t matter too much – I’ve been white, blonde, and my natural colour (mouse), I’d like to try red (I have tried blue – that was just silly) – so I’m going to say red curly hair. I am bald though – so any hair would be nice! This is the irreversible effects of time and the lottery of genetics!

I’d like a slightly squarer face, mine is quite oval and feminine. I would like a darker thicker beard, short though. And not grey! Again, this is time and genetics. These days, I sometimes like my photo – I feel like I have grown into my face. I always wear a hot (see hair above). That said, my head is slightly narrower than “average” so it can be hard to find a good fitting hat.

I would like broader shoulders and a rounder chest, so that shirts fit better. I have done as much as I can with this in terms of exercise, I am stuck with genetics and what I managed to achieve before I hit my mid-thirties! Whilst I would like a better developed chest, I think I have a nice back. I am happier with my upper body now more than at any time in my life. I have some chest hair. When I was younger I really wanted a hairy chest … on somebody else! I trim mine short. I think I would prefer to be smooth myself. My husband waxes his beautifully hairy chest; I miss it enormously. I sometimes wax my armpits – I like the smooth clean look on me (I love both hairy and hairless armpits on others). I like the way it grows back – it is softer each time.

I would like to have been slightly shorter, but a bit more muscular.

I wish I could lose the thin layer of custard around my middle, however I think I like cakes and biscuits to much! Should I choose, this is something I could do something about. I am comfortable enough in myself when clothed, but feel a bit uncomfortable naked as a result of the flat chest and little layer of custard! Although I do enjoy being naked when the air is warm enough.

My arms are ok; I love my tattoos. I suppose if like stronger arms. I’ve already decided which tattoo is going to mark my castration … I don’t think I’m going to be a shy gelding.

I quite like my cock. It’s a nice size, but has too much foreskin. That is something I could do something about now, however I have given hubby the choice of what happens with my foreskin. Seems like that it’s staying. I keep my bush very trim. I need to keep something because I have very hairy legs (more on them later).

Balls. Please go away. I clip them and keep them tidy. I’m not keen on hairy balls on anybody (although I do love balls on other men). Where my balls are now I frequently fantasise about there being a smooth area – and I think of that scar that will mark where they used to be (I find that a huge turn on). I was excited and surprised when I learnt that guys who have been castrated (who have decided to keep their libido) get really turned on by their castrated state. I look forward to that, too!

I quite like my legs – they are strong and carry me wherever I want to go – cycling, running, or just walking. Sometimes I like their hairiness, other times less so. I don’t shave them because I don’t like the prickly feeling as they grow back … and I’m too much of a woose to wax them!

In some areas I’d like to dial up my masculinity, in others I would like to dial it down. In all cases, I want to be less masculine than any man I’m with. But I still want to be masculine – I am not a femme-sissy type (that’s fine for other people, but not how I see myself). I guess I’m a masc-sub.

How my ideal has changed

That was an interesting read!

Whilst I wouldn’t say that being bald was dysphoric, I really understand that for M2F trans that it would be. I could be tempted to have a transplant if I were rich enough.

It’s interesting that I enjoyed some aspects of my masculinity, but dislike others. Since my surgery, I feel even more comfortable with androgyny. I have embraced more of my femininity, but I haven’t fully rejected masculinity. I like being in the middle and feeling able to pick and mix elements from any gender as I feel like.

I have lost muscle-mass and gained a bit of blubber around my middle (I was a 32″ waist and now I am nearer to a 34″ waist – I am aiming to get back to 32″ over the next couple of months).

I still like my cock – and I love the tightness towards the bottom of it where the scrotal webbing was removed during the surgery … and whilst I am definitely not dysphoric about it, I am strangely drawn towards nullo … but that is not going to happen!

I do get excited about my status and find it a turn on – especially my scrotal void! That is a wonderfully expected erogenous zone that I love to play with. The skin there is soooo sensitive! It is less fun cycling on that skin though for the same reason!

Since my surgery, I feel much more comfortable being naked: I very much enjoy it, despite being a little tubbier than previously! I cannot wait to go back to the nudist beach in the summer!

I hadn’t anticipated feeling so much more comfortable being unclothed.

I would still like a full head of curly hair.