Way, way back, my husband noticed that I used to tuck my testicles and penis between my legs. Initially, he thought it was a sign that I didn’t want sex. He also thought that it was a very strange thing to do and couldn’t be comfortable.

I’d done it for years and years and just thought of it as normal … for me.

Neither of us associated it with dysphoria, even though that was exactly why I was doing it: I hated the way they moved about in my sleep.

I suppose I thought that everybody felt the same about their testicles – that the bloody things moving around was disturbing. Maybe that’s a symptom of a faulty “theory of mind”? That’s an autism thing where is not always appreciated that other people think and feel differently.

It’s interesting to notice this shit myself that are now explainable, whether that’s dysphoria or ASD.

I have a friend who is planning on having surgery soon. He tucks his testicles in the same way drag queens do, by pushing them up the inguinal canal. Mine were too big to do that (I tried).

I don’t suffer from dysphoria any more, but I am still discovering ways in which I tried to manage it in the past – even without knowing why I was doing it!

I’m wondering how others experienced dysphoria? How they realised that they had dysphoria and what coping mechanisms they used to do before they even knew what it was they were suffering from?