The Myth of Normal (book review) – Part 2

Continued from The Myth of Normal (book review) – Part 1.

Chapter 12 – horticulture on the moon

This weird title is about child rearing. I’m not a parent, so in lots of ways this is abstract theory, however it can still give pause for thought.

Maté quotes DW Winnicote:

There is no such thing as a baby, … if you show me a baby, you certainly show me someone else who cares for the baby, … one sees a “nursing couple” … the unit is not the individual.
The emphasis is mine

This is fascinating. I don’t know whether parents, mother’s in particular would agree, but it would seem that since the baby cannot exist on its own and a mother is only a mother by virtue of the child, that we do indeed have a binary system (or more of multiple babies are concerned).

Maté’s argument is that mothers, parents, have instincts – suppress them at your peril!

Given where this book started – a dissection of the damage capitalism does to our species (not to mention all the other species that we share our world with), I am waiting for a cui bono moment.

[physically punishing a child] by raising stress hormones may cause damage to healthy brain development and lead to mental health problems.
Page 169

I grew up being spanked and slapped when naughty. Actually, part of the problem was that I didn’t always know why I was struck by my father. It certainly affected me and created additional complications around how I understand and handle anger.

Leaving small infants alone stressed their brains, with potentially negative effects. It also hurts the mother’s heart.
Page 171

Again, not a parent, but I can believe that. A dog isn’t a human child, but on bonfire night and new year my dog gets stressed and cries. My husband is of the view that one shouldn’t comfort the animal because that reinforces that the noise is something to fear; on the other hand, this happens twice a year in there UK and my poor little dog won’t remember not to be afraid. And my heart aches too hear her cry.

So what is it like for a mother with the flesh of her flesh crying it’s broken heart out?

The unintended impact of such fearful, status-driven child-rearing is that the child’s irreducible needs fall second to the desperation of parents striving to ensure the academic and financial success of their offspring.
Page 172

My father worked late and cashed home tired, often drinking to manage his mood. It’s not wonder he would lash out from time to time. And it’s no wonder that I grew up thinking that he didn’t even like me let alone love me.

I found out that he was proud of me quite by accident: I got a place at Bristol university. He went around telling everybody.

Whilst we still never be close, I do know that he loves me these days. And I love him too.

I just want to pause at this statement: “how can they think of their child’s future when they can barely provide for the present?”.

It’s a powerful statement that deserves to stage alone. Poverty destroys childhoods.

There’s a fascinating reference to the “lying in period” that was observed in Europe until recent times (although I suspect that the richer the mother, the better the experience). During the lying in period, the community looked after mother and baby, giving the mother rests when needed.

Chapter 14 – a template for distress

Just as we are conditioned to fit into the family, even if that means a departure from our true selves, so we’re are prepped – one might even say groomed – to fulfill our expected social roles and take on the characteristics necessary to do so, no matter the cumulative cost to our wellbeing.
Page 199

I’m minded of how I was programmed to put my family of origin above the love of my husband, to his cost. And his he was programmed to protect his mother, again very much at his cost. Or how I hid my non-binary nature from myself, my family, and the world, and how much of my life I lived in hiding. And the struggle that every young LGBTQ+ person has to undergo in order to become something that at least resembles their authentic self.

When I think of my own life, and particularly the emotional and mental courage that it took for me to tell the people that I loved that I wasn’t well they thought I was, I can see that I could only go part way to my truth at that time. I feared the loss of the attachments that I had in realising my authentic self. So I stopped halfway.

Chapter 15 – just not to be you

Ask not why the addiction, but why the pain.
Page 220

This whole chapter dismantles society’s conflicting views of addiction – was either a set of bad choices on behalf of the addict, or that addiction is a disease. Viewing it was a disease is more compassionate, but nevertheless misses both the socio-genetic influences.

It also misses that addiction starts by rewarding the addict. In a series of quotes from celebrities and ordinary people, the addiction on opiates is explained in terms of what the reward is: a warm, safe getting, deep inside a deep contentment. Like being hugged by your mum. For those who didn’t experience the real thing, heroin’s hug must be particularly attractive.

The chapter also explores the pain that makes running from oneself deeply attractive.

Meaning that addiction eases pain, physical or emotional, and delivers comfort. At least initially.

Chapter 17 – an inaccurate map of our pain

In its predominantly biological approach, psychiatry committee the same error was other medical specialities: it takes complex processes intricately ground with life experience and emotional development, slaps the “disease” label on them, and calls it a day.
Page 238

My husband has often complained that when he goes for his meds reviews, that the psychiatrist doesn’t actually listen to anything he says; they almost seem anxious to scribble up a script and get him out. They ignore his fears of having his medication changed and deny him any agency in his own mental health.

The possibility that these complex mental illnesses that he suffers might be accounted for by trauma is either beyond them to understand, or they have no other treatments available other than to sedated their patients to the point where they lose all ability to injure themselves.

It seems that the medical profession itself is responsible for debilitating these in its care.

Maté seems almost to be of the opinion that psychiatry is mere quackery:

There are no measurable physical markers of mental illness other than the subjective
Page 239

If this is true, then that would suggest that medicating patients rather than addressing the underlying issues it’s tantamount to drug pushing. Indeed, it might be that mental illness is a social construct. That’s a difficult pill to swallow (pun intended) – in different cultures some types of mental illness have been seen was prophets, sinners, or possessed by demons.

Maté’s actual view is holistic: there is a place for pharmaceutical treatments in mental illness, provided that is not the only treatment.

Chapter 18 – the mind can do some amazing things

This chapter explores the myth that mental health illnesses, such as bipolar and schizophrenia, are genetically inherited. It’s a myth because, as previous chapters have sought to show, there is no objective test for mental illness: there is certainly no evidence of their genetic transmission.

Instead, Maté continues to assert that, many illnesses, and especially many mental illnesses, have their origin in trauma. Indeed, the chapter’s title is taken from a rape survivor who observed that their mind so disassociated from the trauma, that there was no memory of the event itself – just the memory of the perpetrator cleaning their hands afterwards.

There is some suggestion that ADHD might be an environmental issue to do with how children are brought up rather than any kind of genetically carried illness. It has occurred to me, that given the breadth of symptoms, that ADHD and autism have more the smell of “syndrome” about then than anything concrete. However (and I don’t recall where!), I have read theories that propose evolutionary advantages to both conditions – so my mind remains open.

From behavioural problems to full-blown mental illness, it’s not anyone’s fault – nor, as we have seen, the fault of their brains or their genes. It’s an expression of untended wounds, and it is meaningful.
Page 272

This is a message I need to take to my husband: is not his fault, neither his childhood, nor his mental illnesses. They are not his fault.

Chapter 22 – the assaulted sense of self

Medicine is a social science, and politics is nothing else but medicine on a large scale.
Rudolf Virchow, page 324

Robert Virchow was a Berlin physician investigating illness in a polish speaking area of the then German Empire.

His words speak to the poison of modern politics. There is a place for conservatism – preserving the environment and preserving customs and way of life, however modern “conservatives” do very little of either. Sadly, political parties labelled as “conservative” want nothing more than to rip up the liberties and protections that a century of progress has given us.

They specialise in stigmatising and persecuting minorities in order to distract from their nefarious purposes – individually, minority groups are, by their very definition, small, however collectively minorities actually make up a massive chunk of the population – and we should know that attacking one group is often a precursor to attacking other groups because the machinery of stimatism and stigma power require somebody to be the enemy at all times. See Stigma (book review) – Part 1.

To be continued …