The question

I was chatting with a friend and he mentioned a question that’s often asked of trans people “if there was a pill that could take away your dysphoria, would you take it?”. The question is often used by psychiatrists, although others might ask it, to assess how committed a person is to transitioning.

A friend’s answer

His answer was “yes”. He plans to still present as male after his castration, so nothing else would be affected by the change – this isn’t part of his identity, but an intense feeling of not-rightness in his body. He is pretty desperate in his feelings of dysphoria and wants them to just go away. I understand that.

He is also living in a country where trans people are increasingly coming under attack – he is feeling especially vulnerable after a recent election.

My answer

My answer would be “no” – I wouldn’t take a pill. This whole thing has thrown my life into chaos and caused upset and pain in my marriage, yet I find that I love being authentic.

I love the journey of self-exploration that I have been on and the constant twists and turns of revelation that I have found within myself – me! I thought I knew who I was.

Having lived through this and come to accept and enjoy who I am, I am glad that I have arrived where I have in my life.

Thinking about it …

This question could be considered as an interesting thought experiment or a valuable assessment tool.

However, I feel rather offended by the question. Why should I reprogram who I am and deny my authentic self, rather than have the process of transitioning be made less onerous? Why should I not be my authentic self because some other person disapproves?

What about my husband?

While I was driving I found myself asking whether I’d take a magic pill for my husband’s sake? He’s found this whole thing terribly difficult.

But what he has found most difficult is that I’ve hidden so much of myself from him for so long. He is left wondering who I am and what our relationship has been about.

No magic pill could fix that, unless it could be taken in the past and change how my life has unfolded.

Would he want that? He’d certainly have liked an easier life, and I have probably one of the most difficult people he’s had to deal with. I’ve been with him for a couple of years less than half of his life, and we have lived together for longer than either of us lived with anybody else – including our parents.

Maybe I’ll ask him sometime…

So, would I?

No. I wish I’d done all this sooner. I wish that I’d known who I was sooner.

How much more rich would my life have been had I been always authentic!

How much easier and happier both my husband and I would have been!

I have spent too much of my life rejecting people who weren’t as I thought they should be, making them unhappy and damaging their self-esteem. I should have just accepted them exactly as they were. My husband has been there once who received such rejection from me, as I transferred my own disapproval of myself onto him.

I believe that if somebody needs to change themselves to remove a sense of dysphoria and unhappiness, then who am I to stand in their way?

What about you?

Would you take a magic pill that would make your dysphoria go away? Or if you’ve already had surgery, would you have done if such a thing existed?