Broken spirit

Last night, I asked my husband if he’d like to talk. He has been so quiet and so low since Monday, which surprised me because Sunday seemed like a good day for us. He didn’t reply, so I asked if he’d like me to start; he nodded.

I rambled a bit, giving him space until he was ready to speak. Then he began.

“You’ve broken me,” he whispered and went on to explain. He’d agreed to try an open relationship out of fear of losing me if he didn’t.

I’d asked him to find himself, especially since he once said I’d suppressed him. After a few explorations of his own and one of mine, he’s realised he is a one-man-guy. He hates random encounters; they’re just not him.

Insight?

He feels I’ve pressured him into being someone he isn’t. It reminds me of Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert, where the attempt to destroy Paul Atreides is through forcing him to act against his nature. Could this be what I’ve done to my husband? Has he felt trapped, needing to choose between who he is and soothing my increasingly chaotic mind?

My husband is a strong person who has survived a great deal. But he’s strong like glass: resilient yet fragile, prone to shattering if handled carelessly, shocked, or exposed to just the wrong frequency. I feel I have, in this past year and throughout our relationship, exposed him to all those things in psychic form.

Broken trust

He reminded me of our agreement – that nothing would happen in the house and no one would be brought back. I recall discussing not bringing people back, though I’m unclear whether it was a rule or just practical at the time. I had a mental hard-block against going upstairs with that other person, and technically, I didn’t “bring him back here” – he was already here.

Still, my husband feels I’ve broken trust in a fundamental area of our relationship. Any good relationship relies on trust and honesty.

Too tired

He said much more last night, and I wish I’d noted it down sooner because I can no longer remember very much of it.

What can I do to help him heal from the chaos in our lives that this last year has caused?