There’s somebody I work with and feel like he’s a friend, but there’s been this unsaid thing in the air. I know about it, but (of course) he doesn’t. And it’s hard to keep things back – these verbal filters are really hard to do now – what I’m thinking and getting just wants to come right on out. I don’t feel authentic either. I like this chap and want to build on the friendship some more.

I suggested we go for a walk lunchtime, which we often do either just us or as a group, if others are in. There’s a cafe that’s about fifteen minutes away in a park. On the way we talked about work, and had a moan about some of the people we work with – as you do!

After that I started to share what’s been going on for me this last year starting with me moving out. As a divorcé himself, I think he was able to empathise with that.

Then I worked backward and told the story up until then. I circled the details gradually building things up to the actual point:

• Coming out as non-binary to my husband
• Then I used the term “identity affirming surgery”
• Then I moved onto “gender affirming surgery”
• Then I referred to a change on my body configuration
• Finally, “the NHS don’t recognise eunuchs”

It felt easier on me to gradually build up to it. I think it was easier on him too.

He sounded really positive and accepting. He’s a liberal kind of guy. He was a little shocked about the whole story I think, as well as the limbo that I find myself in with regards hormone replacement – the stress of home life on top of all that – and appearing largely normal at work.

Is it a strange thing to share with a work colleague? I don’t think so. Unless people know that there really are people like me in the those people to consider what life is like for the gender or genitally diverse.

It gives one more person that I can talk to about some of the relationship troubles I’m having – another source of understanding and support. I’m not taking him hostage or asking him to take sides.

It honours my authenticity and increases awareness.

I know that it creates a risk that I am in less control over who is aware of my situation … this is where I may find out how good at keeping a confidence this friend really is.

I suppose the problem is that he will almost certainly tell his wife – and I don’t know her so well (she works at the same company). She may not feel the same obligation to keep confidence as my friend, and before I know it everybody will know.

I find I don’t really care. I am what I am and I’m proud of what I am.