Take that hot flushes!

Last night I took a couple of sleepers (a weekend only treat) and slept under the lighter blanket. I had to get up a couple of times in the night for a pee, which is annoying but nothing new. I think I got over eight hours sleep.

I am starting to become more anxious about my erections. My anti-ED exercises are getting harder to do with softer results. I really have to struggle to find the time to practice, and when I do I’m doing other stuff: maybe I need to approach the exercise with a bit more dedication and watch a bit of porn, or at least not do them while brushing my teeth or washing the dishes.

And my legs really ache after yesterday’s gym session. It really wasn’t that intense, but I guess that’s what two months away from the gym will do.

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Over the gay hill

My husband and I had a long talk this morning. He’s a little angry that after twenty-six years together now I say go and explore yourself. He’s finding it difficult to find who he is and what he likes. He finds that being sixty puts him over the gay hill. I wonder if something went bad with the guy he was meeting yesterday when he got back from Bristol.

We haven’t talked about sex; he’s not talked about what the rules are; we don’t know yet whether we are happy being an open relationship or whether we should stay monogamous. I think that he is finding the idea of being open to stressful. However without hormones I don’t have a sex drive – I can get hard, I enjoy sex I, can cum. But I have to decide to have sex I don’t have a sexual urge. I find that I mostly enjoy the emotional connection that sex can bring: this is brand new for me – and it is a new experience for my husband finding me this way – my interest in sex previously was always the urge.

He is also feeling that my lack of hormones and therefore my lack of sexual urge is controlling. He understands the reality of it, but feelings aren’t logical.

My husband is now beginning to wonder whether he is demisexual. He finds hookups difficult – he needs that emotional connection before he can feel sexually attracted – although he jacks off to porn. I guess a quick wank is different from having sex with somebody.

All of this makes me feel really sad because I so desperately want him to be happy – and that means something different to me than what it meant before.

The truth is that neither of us knows how we will feel when the other one does eventually hook up with somebody. I don’t think I want to be the first one to hook up, he is sixty and he is finding it harder to do this. He’s a good looking guy with a beautiful smile and a lovely personality – he shouldn’t have a problem: but people see sixty and turn away.

I need my bloody hormones so that we can start really talking about sex!