I woke with a soreness – a pain – in my groin either side of my penis. I expected to see red chaffing as that’s how it felt, but when I looked it was just normal skin, albeit swollen (which is how it’s been since the surgery). So today I’m wearing my nice soft jogging bottoms, I’ll not be wearing any underwear, and I’ve taken a couple of ibuprofen. I don’t think I’m in any danger of embarrassing myself with an erection at the moment.

It really does feel like something is rubbing on my skin and making it sore! The area doesn’t feel sore too the touch, if anything it feels good to touch it. I certainly feel more comfortable in my jogging bottoms.

One thought – I change my undies every day, so if there are any dribbles (or other yuk) that I don’t stink of wee; no matter how much I wiggle and shake, there’s always a tiny drip that creates out. If I went commando every day, I’d be changing my trousers way more often!

The ache has stayed with me all day. I hope this isn’t going to be a thing.

Yesterday evening, my husband explained that he feels that he was on the precipice of a crisis from the moment I first started opening up to him. Thing is I know that the way I was initially, for the first few months after coming out as wanting to be a eunuch, I was completely overwhelmed and overpowered by my emotions, and that all my filters on thought and expression were wiped away. As a result, I said many things that were ill-considered and often unintentionally hurtful. Things like saying that I didn’t know what further doors this whole mental and emotional explosion would blow open for me, which left my husband wondering whether there would even be a place for him in my life after surgery. He was afraid that I would use him to support me through the transition and operation and then dump him, and in honesty I could not reassure him for some time (I have since done so many times). All this left him in a heightened state of anxiety and deepening his ambient depression, and leaving him vulnerable to bipolar downswings and PTSD activation.

He and I have a long way to go and do much to talk about. I have only got as far as the afternoon after my operation as regards to filling him in – I’ve not tackled anything from his time in PTSD hell. He has so much he needs to talk to me about. I’m going to be back to it after the darling doggy’s walk … and I still headachy and a bit tired. I can’t put it off though!

It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.