A few days ago I had a ping from Reddit on a post that I’d made a few years ago had received another comment.

My post was this:

Anyone into Eunuchs?

I’m a gay guy struggling with a bit of dysmorphia: I keep thinking of being castrated. I’m not particularly femme; I think I’m pretty “straight acting” to use the old un-PC phrase (I hope that didn’t offend anyone). It’s just the balls that need to go, I’ll keep the cock, and take testosterone so I can still get hard and cum (forever pre-cum, never the full cream).

The question I have for you guys is, would you ever consider sex with a guy without balls? Would you consider him relationship material?

At the time I was feeling very desperate – I was self-harming by banding my balls until they were purple and I felt a lot of shame and fear about the future – was there a place in the world for me? Would I still be lovable?

So I was not reassured when I got a lot of responses like:

• Self mutilation is not cool.
• Absolutely not.
• If I knew that the guy ***willingly*** and ***without a valid reason*** mutilated himself and had his balls cut off I’d keep away from him. If the reasons were medical or valid in another sense, then I’d have to think about it. Ideally I like a man like he is. Circumcision or not is OK.
• It sounds like you need to speak to a psychiatrist. It sounds like a case of gender dysphoria.
• That would completely nuke your dating pool. Don’t do it if that is a concern of yours
• So in a time where people are creating their own definitions of sex and gender. Surgery like this is not needed. This to me sounds like body integrity dysmorphia. Where people want to cut off an arm or leg because they don’t think it belongs on them. If you want to transition to female and turn your outtie to an innie, then I understand. But just to cut off your balls because you don’t like them or think they don’t belong is a mental illness and you should get counseling before going through with it.
  
  What a lot of people preach about is trans people commuting suicide due to not getting care or not getting the surgery. Those stats are often skewed. Most trans people that commit suicide happen after they get the surgery due to regret.
  
  In conclusion, your body your choice. But once you take them out you cannot put them back. I suggest one year of counseling first and if you still want to do it then seek consultations with a medical professional.

I was devastated after reading some of those. I described it as a verbal kicking. I was diagnosed as a freak and thrown onto the scrap pile. I felt hopelessness rising in me.

Then I started to get some others come through:

But at least this one didn’t feel either judgemental nor abusive:

It’s a no for me. But I’m sure there’s someone out there who will be into you.

Then I had a few others come through that were more encouraging:

I have a vague interest in eunuchs — I think it would be interesting to hook up with a guy like that, just to try it. Blame Game of Thrones, I guess 😂

But to be completely honest, it would have to be with a full-eunuch who is completely smooth down there… no balls OR penis. My interest comes from the power dynamic of me having a dick while he does not.

I quite liked that reply because part of the way my dysphoria expressed itself was through kink, so that felt a little validating. Its kinda hot to be objectified for kink (although not in real life).

And this one:

I don’t know if this helps but my wife (always been a female) loves that my balls are dead.  I still climax and get hard but it’s rare.  She mostly pegs me.  All of her friends have been asking to see and she has let most of them gradually.

The nasty far outweighed the kindly.

What did happen was a couple of people messaged me directly offering words of kindness and support, some of whom I remain in contact with to this day and count amongst my friends.

Of course, it didn’t end there. I eventually discovered other communities dedicated to being a safe space for people like me. I decided to become an active member of those spaces, to pay forward the love and support I’d received – hence the Eunuch Friends wiki and this blog, as well as involvement on other platforms, writing to my MP, and being as visible as I can safely be.

The virtual world is a tough place to venture into. People don’t self-censure their words, and cruelty travels faster than care. But kindness does exist there too – often quietly, often privately – and sometimes it’s enough to change the course of a life. It certainly was for mine.