So. He has done it. He has applied for a divorce.

I guess that’s the right thing to happen next – although I’d been prevaricating and procrastinating.

Suddenly I feel very sad and very tired.

I suppose that I’d been expecting it.

It still makes me feel heavy.

The initial process was easy. I had to create an account with the government’s special divorce portal, and just say “I don’t dispute this” and confirm that there’s no reason we shouldn’t be divorced.

“Feeling sad’ wasn’t an option I could select anywhere.

And that was it.

The next stage isn’t available until March next year.

I want to go back to bed and just stop the world for a bit.

I’m feeling a quiet, sad, resignation to this development.

But at least things will be clear.

This is going to take some processing.

I told him that I’d done my side of it; “what do you mean?” He immediately messaged back. “The divorce you requested.”

“That was quick,” he replied, and there was a “I still love you very much” – that finally made me cry.

“I still love you,” I replied.

I don’t think he expected that I would hear about it quite so quickly, but if this will help him then I must do all I can to expedite it to give us both closure.

Fuck it hurts like hell.