Damned my stupid brain!

It’s caught in an overthinking spiral.

I’m seeing Ambrosius today for some puppy play. And I found myself wondering if Patricius was ok with that.

Patricius and I are friends, and hopefully friends with benefits. Actually, I’d like him to be my Dom. He’s kind and gentle, but knows his own mind and I think we’ll be good with boundaries. He knows that I’m in no fit state to get into another relationship.

Then there’s Ambrosius, whom I’ve met once to get to know him. I am afraid that he might want more than I have to give.

I find myself hoping that they’re both ok with me seeing other guys because I do not want to try to find all my needs in one person.

I am also feeling broken.

Physically and emotionally broken because of my physically and emotionally broken heart.

Am I overthinking things?

Probably.

I couldn’t quite get from Patricius what he expected from me, but then text isn’t the best way to communicate. I need to see him, Ambiguity and unknowns spike my stress levels.

To further complicate things, I’ve been thinking of inviting my husband over for a takeaway and a movie. My counsellor thinks that’s not a good idea. I have a strong feeling that the gods don’t smile on it either.

One of my needs is not blowing my brain or heart up from communication difficulties and stresses.

My stomach is in knots thinking about all this.

No wonder I got ill!

Neurodivergents often get ill from the stress of overthinking – trying to work out what other people mean, how they might respond, how to phrase something so that it’s not rude or inconsiderate.

It’s no surprise, then, that so many of us end up with stress-related illnesses – our hearts carrying the weight of our racing thoughts.