Nine hours sleep!

It takes me ages to get off. When I’m lying in bed, my heart is still racing and seems to take an hour or more for my heart’s racing to stop so that I can actually get to sleep.

I think I need to take more time over my evening routine. Plan ahead a little so that I don’t need to go up and down the stairs so much. And who’d have thought that brushing your teeth can be so exhausting!

Actually, last night was perhaps more than I needed. My husband, who’d been staying to look after me the last couple of days, was late back from his flat, so I cooked tea. I probably should have waited for him or just done myself something easy.

He’s also an anxious bunny himself and his legs are juddering all night. I only have a two-seater sofa, so it’s really hard for me to relax. My big sofa isn’t due until the end of the month.

This morning I’ve broken things up a lot more. Coffee and breakfast, then read a chapter. Brush my teeth, then read a chapter. You get the drift.

He’s gone back to his flat now – it’s been nice having him, but he and I have felt anxious in each other’s company. I have promised to ask him if I need anything.

Its just me and the dog again. And I enjoy the quiet.

I potter around. Make myself some lunch, then rest. Even do a tiny (and I mean miniscule) amount of work in the bathroom, and then nap for an hour.

Its like being old!

And then the outside world barged in…

Something comes on the radio; some comedian has made a threatening remark about trans women and got himself arrested with armed police. Really? How to escalate an already tense situation. His “joke” wasn’t funny, but it didn’t merit the nuclear option. I think I know where the joke was supposed to be – but with trans people under attack left, right, and centre his “joke” backfired.

Or did it?

Its reignited the whole trans discussion again. Thinking about his “joke”. Not that it ever went away.

Personally, I think the purpose behind his “joke” has been achieved. The heavy-handed response by the Metropolitan Police has called the whole question over hate speech and incitement to violence into question.

I am not really a fan of Jeremy Vine, he can sometimes be more right wing than I am comfortable with, but its good (usually) to be exposed to people one doesn’t disagree with.

Today, however, I could feel my heart pounding as he first “interviewed” was promoting “free speech”. Which seems to mean that they can persecute whomsoever they like with impunity – rather as the Pilgrim Fathers, those religious fundamentalists famous for sailing form Southampton to trouble the New World with their own brutal puritan version of “Christianity”, wanting to be free to punish dissenters … which they did as soon as they could.

And I hear the same in this free speech rhetoric today: not freedom to speak, but freedom to harm

Jeremy gave this speaker quite a lot of air time.

The next person Jeremy spoke to tried multiple times to explain her position, which was rather the law should be changed so that the specific protection of individual groups was turned from the crime itself into an aggravating factor. Her position was that inciting violence against any group or individual should be illegal. I can kinda get behind that as an idea, as long as it was enforced fairly.

He talked over her and finally she gave an exasperated “I’ll try to explain again, shall I?”

The last person Jeremy spoke to was a trans woman. Admittedly, the connection was very bad, but Jeremy had zero patience with her and finally shut her down while she was trying to explain that any kind of minority persecution is the same.

I felt so angry!

So that’s BBC balance, is it?

I had to turn off the radio and go for a lie down: I am not supposed to get my heart so worked up. I had to walk away from the discussion because my body isn’t up to being battered by hate-filled debates.