This afternoon I had a text from my husband asking if I’d got anything for our Friday evening treat. I hadn’t because I hadn’t been out of the house, so I asked him to get something and then asked if he’d like to go to the seaside for fish and chips for tea.
“I’ll think about it on the walk home,” he said.
As it happens, he was up for it. We jumped in the car and I set the satnav for Lee-on-Solent’s fish and chip shop.
The satnav is on my phone, but I couldn’t get the phone radio working (later on I realised that I’d inadvertently turned it onto “flight mode”). I put the phone on to the “Music that makes me smile” playlist – a list of classical and pop music, and comedy that makes me smile and feel happy.
My husband commented that he doesn’t like mix tapes very much. He said that if he’s listening to somebody like Blondie or Steps he wants to listen to the whole album. So I learnt something new about him!
Blondie came up on the playlist and he asked how it was that I’d come to like Blondie, because she was “before your time”.
“It was you that introduced her to me – same with Steps and Kate Bush and loads of others. ABBA, of course, is baked into the DNA of some queer folks,’ I answered.
We are very different people, but we do have a lot in common musically.
He observed that I’d not got much of my musical taste from either my mum or dad.
“Well, Barbra Streisand and Diana Ross from my mum,” I said.
Must of my likes in music is classical, which my husband doesn’t share, but Steps, ABBA, Barbra Streisand, Lady Gaga, to name but a few, we do have in common.
He closed the car window on his side because of the whap-whap of the wind as we picked up speed. Neither of us like that noise.
He observed (again) that I like my music loud, but I don’t like loud noises.
“It’s not loud noises per se,” I said, “it’s certain kinds of noises like vacuum cleaners and car engines (hence the loud music); and can’t deal with background noise, or the distorted sound from a loud television.” He likes the TV loud.
He thinks that he has more ASD symptoms than I do. He might be right: his are definitely more disabling than mine. They are also mixed in with PTSD and bipolar. That’s a lot to have to deal with.
At Lee-on-Solent, I parked up and paid for the space, then set about looking for the chippy. The cafes were closed, which prompted an almost “I told you so observation” from the husband.
Then I saw a fellow with a box of fish and chips, so I knew that somewhere close was open. It was and we ordered our fish and chips.
“Pickle the chips!” I said when asked if we’d like salt and vinegar.
We walked across and sat on the beach, close up the waterline. The waves were small, but noisy – a beautiful sound. The wind was stronger than we’d like and the husband complained and put his jacket on.
I said “sometimes, you’re not very British!” referring to the British habit of going to the seaside and eating fish and chips on the beach or having ice-cream irrespective of the weather.
While we were on the beach, we talked a little about an application form that he has to do for his flat rental. I said that I’d take a look at it when we got home, but he wasn’t keen because he didn’t want to go to bed wound up and anxious -in I understand.
I repeated my offer to be co-signatory to a lease or guarantor. Either is fine. I think that he’d prefer guarantor as it keeps me less visible. Being a joint tenant might improve his chances of getting a lease.
I didn’t really have a feeling what I preferred for him, as long as he was happy and things move along painlessly, however chatting with Galateos seems to suggest that joint tenant is easier for me to get out of and sign over to my husband, whereas guarantor actually has a lot of personal risk – not least that is open ended: he might not be able to get me off the lease ever.
I have said that I will help him get WiFi and arrange for his bill payments because he’s not good with online things. That’s just admin, and once done we can forget about it.
He has found several nice places and they’ve gone to others because of income. The latest had an outside deck area (perfect for smoking). He’s trying not to get hopeful or excited because this is proving so much more difficult.
I said the right place is more important than finding somewhere quickly. He appreciated the sentiment, but wasn’t quite sure it was true that “right” was better than “quick”.
On the way home we even talked a little politics!
Neither of us are that keen on Keir Starmer; he isn’t really labour – more like Tory-lite, which I suppose is better than full-fat Tory.
My husband’s strongest criticism of him is that he has no charisma. For me, that’s a bonus not a problem: I am sick of the cult of personality that has infected politics – it is causing so many problems with characters playing to the balcony with what the crowd wants to hear, which is then bringing some real poison into the world.
I might hate Conservatives because of their track record on corruption and greed, but they did give us our first female prime minister, our first non-white prime minister, and our first black chancellor. Labour has given us our first female chancellor.
We talked about missing the old Queen; she had always been there and always tried to do what was right. I remembered her sitting all alone at her husband’s funeral during COVID, while the prime minister partied. She showed leadership, without ever telling anybody what to do.
We both like Charles, who seems to be both compassionate and ethical. We both like him.
This was the most relaxed time together in ages. I feel that these times are important.
We need to be friends before we can be anything more.
Eunuchorn 
Leave a comment