Introduction

Earlier this year, I was banned from the Eunuch Archive for questioning its moderation rules. While it stung at the time (I was spitting feathers “how dare they?!”🤣), it also illuminated something fundamental about myself: I value clarity, transparency, and fairness in governance – whether in online communities, workplaces, or anywhere else. Rules that are opaque or inconsistently enforced unsettle me because they erode trust and foster inequality.

This principle extends far beyond online fora. It shapes how I view leadership, team dynamics, and accountability in every part of life.

The Importance of Clear Rules

One of the most frustrating aspects of the Eunuch Archive’s moderation was its lack of visible structure. There were rules, but they felt arbitrary, selectively enforced, and unavailable for scrutiny. For me, clarity isn’t just a “nice-to-have”; it’s foundational. Whether we’re talking about an online space or a professional team, people need to understand the framework they’re operating within to feel safe and respected.

In my view, truly democratic organisations provide visibility into their processes and decision-making. This doesn’t mean that everyone gets their way all the time – it means that decisions are made with integrity, explained openly, and applied consistently.

At this time, I hadn’t worked out that I was somewhere on the Autistic spectrum, but realising that I have that quality the strong reactions I feel towards unclear rules and unfairness make complete sense.

Professional Reflections

As a software developer and team lead, I carry this ethos into my work. While I might technically be “in charge” (sometimes), I see my role as one of facilitation rather than command. I like for my team to take ownership of their goals and processes. Leadership, for me, is about creating an environment where the team feels collectively in control of its destiny – not micromanaged or overruled.

Statistics and data analysis play a big part in this. I love spotting patterns in performance or outcomes, using them to make adjustments that benefit the team. But even here, transparency matters. When I introduce changes based on the data, I ensure the team understands why. This isn’t just about driving results; it’s about mutual respect and shared purpose.

Al Anon and Rules

I have written elsewhere how Al Anon’s clear rules appealed to me for reasons that I couldn’t quite place, but understand better their importance to me through the lens of ASD.

Conclusion

Being banned from the Eunuch Archive was a wake-up call. It clarified how deeply I care about fairness and transparency – and how much I struggle when those principles are missing. Whether I’m navigating an online forum or leading a team of developers, these values guide me. They inform how I approach rules, relationships, and responsibility.

It also provides another instance where certain behaviours, feelings, reactions can be explained through the matrix of ASD.