I don’t know what happened; we had planned to go to the pictures to see Gladiator II in the afternoon.

After lunch, we started talking. I am not even certain what my husband and I were talking about. This is the problem when I am caught unawares and have no time to get my brain into gear.

The day before, I had been crippled by migraines – so much so that I spent most of it in bed with noise-suppressing headphones and a blindfold on.

I still wasn’t 100% well the day after.

I think what we ended up talking about was the idea that my husband was “never enough”, which is a concept that I really struggle with. I have known forever that I haven’t ever been “enough” for him: my listening – my communication – skills have not been what he’s needed. I haven’t helped things by deflections when challenged on my behaviours.

This “never enough” I struggle with because it feels like a hideous burden to place onto another human being that they must be enough for you and fulfil all of your needs. That’s the same for every aspect of a relationship, whether its friendships or sex.

Think about it: if your partner genuinely was enough for you, would you be having a love affair with your right hand?

However, the “recent” shock for him (for “recent”, understand within the last 12 months or so), is that I don’t see sex as something that we should be regarding as exclusive, that I feel that sex-as-play needn’t only be with one primary partner, but could be with a primary or any number of play-mates. Intimacy, is a different matter and might be exclusive to one’s primary relationships (see what I did there?).

I remember that we “talked” for two hours, when suddenly my husband had an insight or an epiphany. I missed what it was. Then I heard the time on the radio.

F**k! F**kity! F**ck!

There was twelve minutes to get from home to the cinema. Hurrah for adverts and trailers.

I swore and shouted the whole journey to the cinema. My voice was hoarse by the time I got there.

In the interim, I loved the film, ate two large bags of crisps, and am ready for Gladiator III.

I got home and the husband was “OK”. He was calm and didn’t appear to be trigger. He was also a little warmer.

I think he needs me to acknowledge ow difficult this last crazy year of mine has been for him without any “buts” or “becauses”. I need to check that out, because I am not 100% certain – I was still not functioning properly.

He did recognise that I wanted us to go to the pictures together and then go for a nice bite to eat. I understand that he didn’t feel able to because he felt to emotional. That brief time apart seemed to help.

We are OK … I think … but I am confused. Still.