Today my darling doggy is off to have a wee operation because she has a little lump growing behind one of her front legs.

I don’t get anxious about such things usually – I tend to feel more curious than concerned. I suspect that’s not a normal reaction because people keep asking me “are you OK?” and “are you worried?”

I was upset for her that she wasn’t allowed any breakfast – she’s a beagle and eating is her favourite thing. <sigh> we have so much in common!

I walked her before her trip to the vet. As I mentioned, beagles like to eat – so I had to pay extra attention to her as I walked her to the car in case she ate anything en route. Beagles have disgusting eating habits if you don’t watch them!

She was super excited in the car: she loves car journeys because they all end up with something interesting happening. Even vet visits are interesting because they involve somebody paying her the maximum amount of attention and she gets extra treats!

Once there, a nurse took us through to a room to do her pre-op checks, including a weight in. Getting the dog to keep still on the scales is quite a job because she wants to see and sniff everything in this new environment.

The assessment was kinda fun until the nurse who performed the admission asked me whether I’d like them to perform CPR on her if anything happened during the procedure.

I suddenly felt quite upset.

This was real and my dinky stinky darling is having anaesthetic and that always carries a danger. We don’t know what the lump is – it could be anything and quite benign, in which case she’s had surgery only for my peace of mind.

Its strange to realise that I am not aware of how I am feeling about things until suddenly I am feeling it intensely. Maybe emotions have to get above a certain threshold before they register with me.

Or is it that I am good with processes but struggle to handle the switch to feeling?

And those eyes as I left her there! As if to ask “where are you going?”

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Shortly before lunch I got a phone call from the vet’s: she is fine and in recovery. She’s eaten something. Typical beagle: awake and wanting food!

I can pick her up after lunch.

I feel so relieved! I wasn’t aware just how much tension I was holding until it was gone!

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The vet brought her out to me. You’d have thought that she’d been fed coffee beans and cocaine because she was that jumpy and excited! Apparently, she had been eating and seemed to be recovering well.

The vet gave me some medication for her and told me how to look after her while she recovers. There was quite a lot to remember, so I am glad that the medication comes with instructions – and it can be mixed with her breakfast tomorrow.

The real shock was the price: £1,600! Out came the credit card.

Shah-ting!

I am £1,600 further into debt.

Then a message from the credit card company: I am £460 over my credit limit. The vet checked and the payment had gone through OK. I felt a little nausea at being in unarranged debt.

I transferred what little savings I had into my bank account and then paid the overspend off. My current account is now £200 overdrawn. I never go overdrawn. I hate it. I hate living off credit – it feels wrong somehow and it is stressful.

However, the insurance company should pay about £1,400 … eventually … so I will be OK.

The vet had put her into a body suit to protect the wound during that first week of itchiness.

As soon as we went out the door from the vets she stooped and peed. Right through her nice clean body suit! The vet said it should dry quite quickly, but we had the strong smell of ammonia the whole ride home.

She wasn’t that keen on helping me wash and dry the stinky patch – the poor darling struggles on her legs what with the anaesthetic. It will have to do for now, but I’ll have a go later when she’s a bit more awake.

The dinky darling is now snoring away in her basket – bless her!