Note: This post mentions consensual kink dynamics in a non-graphic way.

After being tied and tormented twice in the most delicious ways, Funiculosus and I went out to a little local Portuguese cafe for lunch.

Funiculosus are close friends now, as well as Dom and sub, but I am not the only one he plays with. He does say that I am particularly special to him – there is an intimacy between us that he doesn’t share with other subs.

While eating the various delicious Portuguese street food he told me about how it feels for him to Dom people. He sees it as a great honour: they come to his house knowing very little about him other than the images that he’s shared online of various subs in bondage gear (always with faces masked or obscured), and trust him to restrain them, “torture” them, and for them to not only survive, but enjoy the experience. For all they know (or all I knew when we first met) he could be a serial killer!

Some guys get right into it and enter floaty subspace immediately. Others take a bit of work.

Some realise that the fantasy of restraint is much more fun than the reality and ask to leave after only ten minutes.

I guess that’s where I might draw a parallel with castration: some guys get off on the fantasy and the reality of it would be horrific for them, whereas others (like myself) are meant to be this way.

He chats to new subs for a while to help gauge what they are into and whether there is a fit between them and him. He says that with me it wasn’t just a fit, it almost felt destined – which feels really good. We certainly have chemistry!

He tells me of some guys with whom there is no chemistry, yet while they are with him he gives them 100% because some of them come a long way for the experience of shibari.

He has some regular subs. Mostly they are much younger than he is. Those relationships are only Dom/sub. I am the only one with whom he has become friends and shares personal experiences with. I think I am closest to him in age.

He tells me I am handsome. I accept it, but it feels very strange because I am just not used to anybody saying that of me. I say that he’s sexy. Maybe that blurs the lines of friendship, but I think that blurring is OK because we both know that we are not a couple. We are friends and we are Dom and sub, Master and puppy.

He tells me about his sessions. He also tells his partner (he tells his partner about me).

Today he was telling me about somebody he met with last night. Initially it was strange because … because … why?

Jealousy? No, not really – I don’t “own” Funiculosus, he’s not my partner, he’s my Dom and my friend.

It passed as quickly as it came. Whatever it was, I sent that feeling packing and just enjoyed him sharing his experience.

Sharing is about enjoying somebody else’s joy – whether that’s sharing a meal, an experience, or a bed.