My Dom, Funiculosus, is my best friend. He has his own partner to whom he is devoted, but we have a very special emotional connection that started with kink but as we have grown to know each other more the things that are included in our relationship keep getting added to.

We met through kink and that is still at the core of our friendship. It’s through kink that I learnt to trust him with my body and my heart.

He and I love food. He has (in my opinion) a healthy relationship with it – he enjoys it, but doesn’t eat for the sake of it – and certainly not to fill an emotional hole, even if food is linked to important memories for him, as it is for me too.

We enjoy cycling together and have been on a number of rides together. He enjoys it enough to work on his fitness between times so that the rides we take together are themselves more relaxed and enjoyable.

Of course, there are a great many differences between us: he is Nepalese, grew up in Hong Kong, went to boarding school, and has had many different experiences in his life.

However, some differences are essential – he’s Dom and I’m sub!

Today we connected more deeply about something else we have in common: we have both lost our mothers.

For both of us these were loving people who held us, nurtured us, and to whom we were devoted. Their loss hit both of us very hard.

Today on our cycle we stopped at the waterfront at Hythe for a coffee we talked about our mums and the nature of that loss.

We lost them at about the same time, although to different causes. They were very different from each other with different histories and heritages, but they were our mum and our friend.

We met through kink, but we have formed a very deep friendship with each other that keeps growing as we learn more about each other.