During the day my head is playing music at me. I don’t mean that I “hear” it as though it comes through my ears. Dear me, no! That might require a stay at the funny farm. I know that is a kind of obsessive musical thinking going round and round and round and round.

It will usually be energetic classical pieces. And they may give me a headache. And they can go on for days and days before my brain finds another earworm to torment me with.

I suppose it’s better than replaying conversations that I’ve had to try to understand what was going on and how it could have gone better. Maybe the music is a sort of coping strategy to deal with overthinking everything.

Yet it is exhausting.

It only really goes quiet when I’m playing with Funiculosus.

From the moment I see his smiling face I begin to relax in a way that I have never really been able to before – no holiday, massage, time in the Forest, drunken night, book, film, friend, or anything else has got my head quiet so quiet. Bit even sex gets my head quiet – there’s always a background process running – thinking – or playing music at me!

I see him and I start to drop into subspace. He touches me and the drop accelerates. I smell the rope and the drop becomes a plummet.

And my head is silent.

And it is only when it’s silent that I appreciate just how noisy it is is the rest of the time!