I’ve been spending a little less time with Calpurnius because there’s something about our setup that makes me feel uncomfortable despite having spoken about not looking for a relationship right now. Maybe it’s because I think he would like sex, and I just don’t feel that way. Not with him – or with anybody else really. At least, not with anybody that I know.

I feel safer with someone I don’t know and with whom it is clearly just a hookup – relationships scare me!

However, we had an arrangement to go see a production of Romeo and Juliet by the Shitfaced Shakespeare company. It sounded a giggle – the premise is that for each of the productions a member of the cast gets very drunk.

I picked Calpurnius up outside his flat. There was another friend joining us and she was with him. She was very friendly and chattered away from the backseat of the car. Calpurnius held most of the conversation as I was driving and felt a little uncomfortable with the new person initially, but she was so energetic and had a wonderful positive energy that I soon warmed to her.

At Winchester, I parked the car and led the way down to the theatre, where, I’d learnt, we were to meet two more friends.

While we waited, we ordered pizza from the theatre bar. His first friend chatted more, but this time I felt more able to engage in the conversation. However, I couldn’t judge whether I was saying too much, or not enough, or when it was my “turn” to talk, or whether Calpurnius felt I was taking over, or what. She and I would talk Shakespeare and psychology, and he would jump tracks a little into a different topic. I felt slightly confused because I tend to think in “straight lines” – meaning that attempts to get me off a topic I am already engaged in are exceptionally discordant!

About fifteen minutes before the show started, his other two friends joined us. A mother and a teenage daughter. The mother gave me a warm hug. The daughter was as awkward as I felt. She clearly didn’t relish being with strangers either – especially not ones that get with a hug. Well, I’d warmly responded to her mother’s hug: it seemed rude to treat the young woman any differently!

With that, we went to find our seats.

The show opened with a fellow in a pink sequinned tail coat handing out props and instructions to people in the front row (where I like to sit, although this time I was glad to be in the gods). He explained how the show would work and then read the prologue to Romeo and Juliet.

I expected it to be harder to identify the drunkard, but it was immediately obvious.

This also wasn’t really trying to be Shakespeare. There were only five people in the cast (plus the maître d), so they had to take several parts. The drunk played Mercucio and the friar.

Initially, I actually felt a little irritated by it because it felt contrived. I realised that if I was going to enjoy this that I needed to suspend my disbelief and judgement and meet the performance where it was.

That was when I started to enjoy it more.

I think a bit mistake with watching a show like this was driving to the theatre: I think I’d enjoy it so much more if I myself was a little squiffy!

I Will say that this was one of my favourite versions of Romeo and Juliet. I watched the Franco Zeffirelli version when I was at school – in my opinion the soundtrack starts that movie, although I did enjoy the nurse character – there was something of the mother from The Life of Brian about her. I have also seen the Baz Luhrmann version, which I didn’t find any better.

In short, I don’t much like the play: it’s all about whiny teenagers.

Calpurnius said that there was a version of Macbeth next year – and friend number one and I were up for seeing that one!

After the show, my two passengers and I agreed to meet up and watch Much Ado About Nothing. And I learnt, from Calpurnius’ friend, that “nothing” in Elizabethan times was pronounced “notin”, which was a slang term for a vagina!