Every now and then I go onto a hookup app in an attempt to scratch a particular itch that doesn’t get satisfied by rope.

Its a plain old rogering.

I started a conversation with a chappie who looked reasonably fit and furry. I rather liked his furry torso. Although he might have had a face like a bag of spanners – that was an image that he chose to share. What he did share though – well! That would make yer eyes water!

We chatted for a bit and he shared yet more photos of himself.

Nice.

And, quite reasonably, he asked for a couple of me and I obliged.

And then I got a message:

“Sorry a tad chunky for me man”

Well I never! I have gone up half a trouser size since the half year off testosterone and a heart attack, so I do have a bit of custard around the middle.

But me! Chunky!

Hilarious!

But, fair play: he let me know that he wasn’t interested and why, which stopped me wondering what was going on.

Chunky.