At this company dooh-dah about AI, there were various pieces of tatt to help with the discussions – pens and paper for making notes, and stress balls in the shape of brains. Nobody would touch the stress balls because they were in an entrance hall rather than on the tables, however a colleague wanted one so I just picked a brain and gave it to her. She was delighted.

Funny how people can be happy with handling stolen goods as long as they didn’t do the thieving themselves!

I wanted one too, so I grabbed one for myself.

As I was getting ready to depart from the event, I looked at the brain stress ball and thought “that’s about the size of my old testicles, or perhaps just a shade bigger; I wonder what it would feel like if I popped it into my underwear?”

So I nipped into a toilet and arranged myself.

Nope. Don’t like it.

But I kept it in until I got to the car.

I understand that trans men often pack their pants with socks because having something down there relieves their dysphoria. Even regular cis-dudes have been known to pop a little extra down there.

I was reminded of how dysphoric having testicles was for me. It will be the same for many trans woman.

It was a relief to whip the thing out and throw it into my bag.

Funny how quick and easy it was to bring back the ghost of ill-feeling about my body and gender – a little accidental test that confirms that the decision to join the eunuch ranks was the right one.