It started with Phil Collins’ version of “You can’t hurry love” playing in the radio. My mum had a crush on Phil and went to see him in concert a couple of times. By the end of that upbeat song, I had tears in my eyes.

Later that day I was messaging my rope master, Funiculosus, and he said something like “it’s a moment in space”, which reminded me of a line from “Woman in love” by Barbra Streisand. I sent him the full song adapted to read “I am a puppy in love”, meant as a giggle, but there is some truth to it.

The “Guilty” album mum listened to almost endlessly in the car when I was a kid. It too has strong emotional connections for me, but the emotion this time took me somewhere unexpected and as the evening rolled on the music and lyrics swelled in my mind, those soaring musical arcs twisting my heart with the pain of separation.

Normally, I would be thinking of my mum, but this time I was thinking of my ex.

I sometimes feel angry towards him (that’s another thing I’ve realised lately, but I’ll explore that another time).

Last night I was missing him enormously.

This morning the tears keep flowing.

I am trying to work, yet I am grieving for my relationship and the man I have loved – and still love – for so long.

Would it be cruel to tell him that I miss him?

I have an emotion migraine.