I wonder?

I’ve been feeling very anxious this last week and I’ve had a migraine.

My heartrate and blood pressure are fine – slightly low actually, as a result of the various medications that I am on since my heart attack last year.

And that’s it I think: the heart attack itself was almost a non-event: lightheaded, numb hands, and a feeling of having indigestion. It wasn’t until the weeks after that I realised that I was actually seriously ill and greatly affected by the event.

So I wonder – is this anxiety the body remembering?

Alternative hypothesis: the year turns on, the weather changes, and I have always been sensitive to alterations in climate. Brief periods of sunshine would give me a headache. But I don’t remember downturns in the weather ever doing it

And then there’s work pressure. An immovable deadline with profound consequences for the business of it is not hit. And three team members who are not performing.

Last thought: over the last few months I have been reducing my antidepressants, from 15mg of Vortioxetine to 5mg now (and without talking to the doctor – naughty boy). I’ve been on 5mg since the start of September. Is it possible that these migraines and anxiety are a sort of withdrawal from the medication?

And anxiety feeds itself, unless it’s burnt off! I’ve started back at the gym at last, slowly pushing my alarm back until I am getting up early enough in the morning to actually go and get some exercise.

How can I test these theories?

I can’t.

So at Patricius’ insistence, I am seeing the GP to ‘fess up that I’m not taking my antidepressants as prescribed, and to talk through these horrible anxious feelings.

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And the doctor was lovely. Patiently recording all my worries, before finally saying that I was a fit and healthy guy and just very unlucky to have had a heart attack. He didn’t seem worried that I was at risk of another because my various risk factors are low. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink often. I exercise. And I (mostly) eat sensibly.

He looked up and explained why I can’t take sumatriptan (the magic bullet against migraines): it narrows the blood vessels … which is exactly what you don’t want if you have a heart condition.

He also said that I could take ibuprofen for headaches as long as I had it with food and no more than two doses a day (rather than the four that the package says that I can take).

Finally, he explained that a person should only decrease their antidepressant dose after being on the present dose for six months (some people do three months). Either way, I was reducing it by 5mg month by month. So he suggested that I alternate between days of 5mg and 10mg for between three and six months. If that works, then go down to 5mg and repeat the process.

I feel relieved just by talking to him.

But I am also exhausted after a few days of migraine.