I’d not heard from my ex for a couple of weeks, other than a holding text a few days ago. I worry. Care and love don’t stop just because the marriage is over. At least not in this case.

I had been thinking of taking some biscuits over, but as I was out on my Sunday morning cycle I thought that I might just pop my head around the corner and see if he was in.

I ummed-and-ahhed all the way but decided to keep to the plan and just have a look.

He was there in his cosy outdoor snug. He didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look forbidding either.

“Hi,” I said, “I was passing and wondered if you’d like to go out somewhere? Maybe the seaside or maybe the Forest, or maybe a carvery?”

“No thank you.” he said, never one to mince words.

I had a feeling that he wasn’t happy with me just dropping in. To be fair, neither of us like people just dropping by or phoning out of the blue, but he struggles with that much more than I do.

“Do you mind me dropping by like this?” I asked.

He didn’t directly answer to begin with, and we chatted about my finances and his living arrangements (these are two distinct conversations and not related).

Then he said that whilst he wasn’t particularly upset by me dropping around, we had agreed that we wouldn’t make unannounced house-calls in each other.

I had forgotten, but he was quite right.

I apologised for the breach of our agreement, then I checked whether he was upset because if so that also merited an apology.

I suppose this is one of those things we’re still learning – how to care about each other without having the rights and responsibilities of being married.

To be honest, whether I would be ok with an unscheduled visitation would depend on what I had planned and what mood I was in.

Given the delicate nature of our relationship as it is now, this is for the best.

Then he offered me a cup of tea since “you’re already here,” and we talked for a while longer.

He’s off on holiday next week, so I suggested that the Sunday after he gets back perhaps we could do something then. That’s more the kind of planning timescale that suits him – and I’m happy to work with that.