Content note: This post discusses consensual BDSM, rope bondage (shibari), sensory deprivation, and suspension. It focuses on trust, communication and emotional connection rather than sexuality, but readers who are uncomfortable with these topics may wish to skip it.

I arrived at Funiculosus’ house with Steps’ version of Tragedy blasting through the windows like an elderly boy racer. I was in a good mood. His boyish smile got me into an egg better space.

We hugged and he led me to the sofa, where we cuddled for a bit and chatted about our week. Mundane and intimate at the same time.

While we were talking he absent mindedly tickled my back. I was very sensitive and wriggled in pleasure.

“Stand up, Puppy.” He instructed, “Hands on your head.”

I closed my eyes and his hot hands wandered over my body, electric contact waking every nerve in my body. I am usually sensitive, but some of the sensitive areas change. Today my back was extremely alive to touch, but it isn’t always. He watched my responses to his touch, my body communicating silently, flagging when things were very good with a little wave from down below.

He told me to strip and stand and wait. Then he put a cloth blindfold on me, followed by the socks and underwear he wanted to see me in. He likes to dress me in ways that please him. I enjoy being dressed in ways that please him.

I smelt the rope before it touched me, the scent both arousing me and dropping me quicker into subspace. He patted me with the rope a few times so that I felt it’s texture, before starting to weave the chest harness.

“I’m making this a little bit tighter than usual, Puppy, for suspension.” I am sure something have away my excitement. We had talked about this a lot – it’s the ultimate in shibari trust where the sub has all contact with the ground taken away, along with all the sense of security that offers, and is held in the air by rope. It can be dangerous, but I trust my Rope Master to take good care of me.

While he weaved the rope back and forth, I dropped deeper … but the playful puppy inside me came to the surface. The inner puppy loves to lick and kiss and sniff, and I think that puppy tries to follow where it’s master’s body is by whatever senses it has, leaning in to find him and make physical contact whenever possible.

“This would be a lot quicker if we didn’t keep stopping to kiss and cuddle,” said Funiculosus, playfully. He doesn’t really want it to be quick – the process is what we love as much as the outcome.

When the harness was complete, he popped a soft gag in my mouth, put a cloth hood over my head, and put the noise cancelling headphones over me ears. He hadn’t done that kind of sensory deprivation for a while – it greatly enhances the sense of touch and smell.

He left the room and when he came back he touched me with scratchy implements, stimulating me even more. I am sure that I moaned, bit I know that I had gone almost preverbal. For me, when in deep subspace I lose the power of speech.

There was the paddle with the pins on one side, which he gently dragged over my skin. Giving me only playful taps to heighten the experience. He used the pinwheel, which can go from faintly tickly in some areas to insane, almost painful, stimulation in others.

When he stopped with the toys, he helped me to the ground, where he started roping my legs. He realised that he missed a bit and got me to stand up. I enjoy doing as I’m told … and I enjoy being naughty. This was a time to do as I was told.

When I stood up, he created a harness around my buttocks so that the food support middle. He doesn’t often put rope in that area, so it was rather enjoyable.

Afterwards, he tied my legs together. I was a kind of near naked mummy, with my legs pinned together and my arms pinned to my front.

He then helped me to the floor. It is difficult to do that without the use of one’s arms and legs – and blindfolded! He had me though and wouldn’t let me drop.

When on the floor, he helped me to wiggle into the right place, then he started attaching the front of the chest harness to the suspension bar. He needed me to lean back so that he could gauge the length, so I was glad that I had some core strength. When he was finished I was able to relax into the suspension. I was surprised to find that my thumb, which was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable in the harness when stood up seemed to come back to life.

I did find that my head was an uncomfortable weight and managed to explain that to him. He understood, and put his leather head-mask onto me because it has a D ring at the top of the head for him to attach a rope to. The mask wasn’t that comfortable, and pressed a bit beneath my jaw. However, it was more comfortable than the alternative. He said that he would learn a head-harness for next time.

After my torso was suspended, he began work raising my middle. Again my core strength seemed to help because I had difficulty reading my butt off the floor – it was no different to a yoga bridge pose.

It would be true to say that cooperating and communicating meant that I couldn’t allow myself to keep sinking deeper into subspace, but I reckon that I was actually deeper than ever before: this was intense!

With my butt off the floor, it was just my legs. They didn’t require much help from me. First one then the other were lifted off the floor. After a minor adjustment to my middle, I was completely off the ground.

Funiculosus was sweating. The physical effort was significant, but I think he was also as high on endorphins as I was!

I was mentally and physically flying!

He fussed a little because I wasn’t quite straight on the supports, but he got his kick when he pushed me back and forth and I swung freely – unable to do anything. I could wiggle, but that just made me swing more.

I was more helpless and vulnerable than ever before.

It was possibly the most relaxed I have felt – if that is even the word for that state of utter surrender.

Then I remembered that he lived the Spiderman kiss where Toby McGuire is kissed by Kirstin Dunst while he hung upside down on his thread.

I said “Spiderman kiss.”

He knew what I meant.

And we kissed.

It was so intense that I’m cry even now, hours later, when I think of it.

From the start of the session to now, he constantly checks in with me “are you ok Puppy? Nothing too tight?” Even in my preverbal state, I know that I need to communicate that I’m ok … and that if I am not, I must say so: this is the deal. If I do not tell him that something doesn’t feel good, I put myself – and him – in danger, which could destroy our trust and end out journey together.

He never planned to suspend me for long this first time. Normally, I can remain tied for hours, but this was our first time and we both needed to not over do it.

Besides, I needed to tell him things while I was still experiencing them so that we could learn for next time. Forcing my way up from the depths, I said that I didn’t like the hood and could we try a rope hood harness because it was uncomfortable. I told him that my thumb was getting numb. And lastly that there was a strange sensation in my abdomen, I don’t know what it was!

But is was so hard to speak from the deep place that I was in – it felt like I was sending semaphore across a dark void in the hope that he might see and understand the strange signals I sent to him.

But I used words – broken phrases maybe, perhaps a little groggy sounding – but he received them and understood.

Next time! We’re already talking about next time! Next time we will try for a little longer.

He worked as quickly as he could to release me. He started with my legs so that I wouldn’t be upside down for too long, I suppose. He left the ropes in piles in his hurry to untie me.

“I’ll tidy them up later,” he said.

When I was free, we went to the sofa, where I snuggled into his warm chest and he said that it was incredibly intense for him – and I could see that he was pumped! I loved that – I love to know how he feels about it – that his pleasure is clicks into my own, different sources, different spaces, but equivalent and corresponding.

I feel a very profound connection to my rope master.

He feels a profound connection to me too.