Having arrived, showered, and consulted with The Oracle. The plan for my evening was to buy some cheap vests to see me through to home, grab a bite to eat, then go into a gay pub and people watch until bedtime.

Everything went swimmingly. Over tea I did some absent minded scrolling through Scruff (a gay dating app). I liked a few cute dudes – not with any thought to hook up, just to give a bit of encouragement.

A fellow pinged me and asked if I’d like a massage – not sex, just deep tissue and tantric (he assured me that he wasn’t an escort). I had been thinking of having a massage before I went home, so I said yes and arranged to go to his for 8:30pm, which I hoped would give me time to let me tea go down a get through most of my second cocktail.

I was glad that it wasn’t sex because I’d just eaten, I had a little bit of wind, I was still a bit tired, and I was wearing my glasses – and they always make me feel ugly. Well, I’m short sighted, so they make my eyes look even smaller. I think they look piggy behind my glasses.

I found his place and he let me in. The room was well laid out with a massage table (it was also his bedroom). He was topless, displaying a fabulous pair of disco tits! Nice beard, too!

Aside from that, it didn’t feel like a hookup.

I lay facedown on the table, naked, and he set to with a really deep massage of my buttocks, which can be difficult when the masseuse is on the floor rather than the table, and you’re wearing underwear.

There was also a lot of “standard” stuff, but also he got onto the table at times and really put his soft strong hands to use. I could feel his skin sometimes, the light hair on his legs, for example, but mostly how soft his hands were.

A few times he tickled my body – and touched intimate places. I guess that’s what was meant by tantric.

It got uncomfortable when it came to the end – he attempted to give me a “happy ending”, but my body was having none of it! Wind, needing a pee, heart medication, and getting more than a little awkward because it wasn’t what I was expecting (although it was very nice).

I had to stop him.

And I felt awkward, like I was the one letting him down!

We talked briefly, and a little uncomfortably. I felt a bit like I’d outstayed my welcome, but then he gave me a strange cuddle and a little kiss and asked me to “stay in touch”.

I still don’t quite know what happened. Perhaps he genuinely thought he was offering the sort of massage he’d advertised. Perhaps I misunderstood what “tantric” implied. Either way, I left feeling more puzzled than anything else.