CONTENT WARNING: BDSM, rape fantasy/non-consensual sex in discussion, drugs, castration references.

This was the fifty year anniversary of the book, but I had to wade through thirty pages of forwards from the twenty-fifth anniversary before I got to the actual book itself. I couldn’t skip them, that would have made my eyelid twitch!

I don’t know whether there were terms specific to America, or the leather community, or just to the time that this book was written, but it’s useful to know a couple of things first:

• “Fluffies” and “fluff” refers to people not into S&M, ie vanilla sex.
• M and S aren’t “master” and “sub” but in fact the reverse. M is masochist/bottom and S is sadist/top. In many modern online ads the S and M I mentioned earlier have become the norm. It wasn’t until chapter 2 that I made this realisation.

And so to actually reading the book!

Chapter 1 “Why Leather sex?” Starts with a load of historical wishful thinking. Romans didn’t have legalised gay marriage. Sexuality as we know it today was not recognised until modern times.

Perversion, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Page 8

An excellent statement! “Normal” and “perverse” are points of view and not absolute objective realities. I have often said that “normal” starts in the centre of your circle – so that’s you! You are normal, and as you move away from the centre of your circle you find the different – and further away still the weird and perverse.

If you are going to enjoy it, and your partner is going to enjoy it, what difference should anyone else’s hang-up make to you? Forget about other people’s opinions – learned or otherwise.

Page 8

Exactly. I have heard it said that what somebody else thinks is none of my business unless they share it with me or their actions impact me.

There are lots of discussions where Larry proposes an opinion (such as the reason for a perceived ratio of Dom’s to subs). What is interesting is that it is always clear that this is an opinion – I got no sense that he was forcing an agenda nor claiming to know anything beyond his own experience and researches, with a hint of professional insight.

There are tips born of personal experience of what you wear, what to use for restraint, warnings against allergies and what to do about them in some cases.

Larry often talks about the S (sadist/top/Dom) needing to have empathy for his M (masochist/bottom/sub) in order to progress a scene safely and satisfactory. Funiculosus is very empathetic and can read my reactions very well, as can Cicero. I have been with Doms that haven’t been so sensitive, which can lead to me being pushed way past my limits and in an uncomfortable way.

In a busy leatherbar you will often find the real Masters ranged along a the back walls, speaking to friends who approach them, but generally aloof from the milling crush in the centre of the room.

Page 98

This could create an image of a clique of stern and condescending masculine types … or a group of demure debutantes at a ball. The possibility in the sentence tickles me.

The book has more than it’s fare share of typos (I know I’m one to talk!). After fifty years, you’d hope that they’d have ironed them out by now. Don’t let them distract from Larry’s writing: he isn’t stupid, and whilst he draws some unfashionable and anachronistic conclusions, there is a powerful brain behind the observations that led to the book.

…if you strike up a conversation you will find that most of these people – even the serious, dour-appearing masters – are more than willing to speak with you.

Page 101

The appearance is part of the role they like to play: masculine and dominating. It simply wouldn’t do to look like a giggling airhead.

My own experience in leatherbars has been just how friendly the guys are. Some are happy just to chat. Some will chat and then play. Some will play and then chat. Some will chat and play at the same time, which is weird.

However they are just guys like me looking to live their fantasies. I say like me, but they tend to have closer to the average number of testicles.

I have already noted that your SM activities are the just uninhabited behavioral situations in which you are ever likely to find yourself. Carrying this to the next logical degree, I think it’s legitimate to ask: “Which is the role, and which is reality?”

Page 117

Excellent question! The more comfortable I feel with a person, the fewer filters I have to maintain and I can begin to unmask, and in sex and kink I am fully unmasked and unfiltered – then is that actually the “real” me?

Later on, Larry writes:

Don’t discount the possibility that this “role” you assume as a leatherman, may come any closer than any other phase of your physical existence to being a true expression of your ego.

Page 119 (the italics were in the original)

And I think that’s about right: we have different versions of ourselves that are realised with different people and different situations. Some are more real than others, some are less real. When I say a version of myself is less real, I mean that there’s something that doesn’t reflect my inner reality – and that requires energy. A “real” version of me requires no energy. Hence, time with certain people and situations is more draining than with others.

Larry is realistic and liberal in his opinion on the use of alcohol and drugs. They can be a fun extra in play, but he says:

Strictly forbidden as far as I am concerned are: acid, intravenous speed, angel dust, heroin—any other “hard” narcotics or any powerful hallucogen. If a guy needs these to sustain him through the action, he doesn’t bring in the leather scene. Anyone who submits himself to ask S [Dom/top] in this condition is suicidally stupid.

Page 148

I wholeheartedly agree!

In a sense, your uninhibited leatherman comes out of his periodic sessions in much the same emotional condition as a client after a successful hour on the couch-of-catharsis. And to be perfectly honest, I think the first case is more common than the latter.

Page 163

I’ll connect that quote to my own experience with Funiculosus: an hour of play with him gives me much more peace and emotional stability than any counselling I’ve had before Richard (my current counsellor).

The same section of the book (“On friendship and lovers”) explores Larry’s opinions and experiences with open relationships, and how they can be very successful in the gay world where couples frequently have other interests in common to sustain them after the fires of lust burn low. He also shares a story of a leatherman with a non-leather partner who sometimes team up, but even when they don’t they enjoy each other’s stories about their exploits – much like Funiculosus and his partner.

Jessica Fern in Polysecure used the word compersion to describe delight in the success and happiness of lovers.

Aching testicles at 2am (or whenever the bars close in your area) can provide a tremendous incentive to rise above intellectual prejudices.

Page 190

Larry has a wonderfully dry sense of humour that appeals to my British sensibilities. The quote above was regarding him not usually being a fan of the gangbang, but a lock-in and no other arrangements can encourage a more liberal attitude towards situations once normally wouldn’t be drawn towards

With many of the chapters, Larry includes a sexy story to illustrate the chapter’s main point. Larry’s other line of business is erotic writing: these stories are usually … shall we say “stimulating”?

The chapter on gangbangs takes a dark turn. I’m afraid that I found it exciting because it accords with one of my “dark fantasies”, however it details non-consensual sex – hell, let’s name it for what it is: rape.

There are perhaps extenuating circumstances: the police were in the habit of making arrests at gay bath houses using entrapment. The story turns the tables on the cops.

Larry makes no judgement on what is reported to have happened, beyond not knowing whether it was an actual event or not.

I have known a couple of tops who would require their M’s to jack off at the start of the session, this depriving them off their initial high level of desire. In the course of action, the bottom-man’s lust would rebuild, but the implications were almost as though he’d been (symbolically) castrated.

Page 227

This is the only reference to castratrion in the book, and was bound to pique this eunuch’s interest. In some kink communities, castration is seen as the “gold standard” in bottoming. Chastity is seen as “castration-lite”. There is a whole discussion to be had about this, which I’m not going to have in this little book reading!

Where I will go is that without hormones (in some respects, the exact type of hormone doesn’t matter too much), the libido is almost certainly taken off-line. Cumming before kink play would indeed give some idea of what that’s like – because the usual instinctive willingness created by horniness is no longer there to smooth over discomfort or hesitation.

Where being despunked before play is very, very different from castration is that, as Larry says, the libido slowly returns and the bottom will get more and more into the scene.

Just one further note here: not having hormones doesn’t mean that you cannot get turned on. The experience is different, but one can still get worked up. What is different is that it’s also much easier to get distracted!

The chapter on “The Sublime to the Ultimate” further mentions castration play. Larry describes using rawhide to bind and pull the testicles during “castration play”.

However, during this chapter’s vignette, he describes a leather castration scene. It had quite an effect on me, being not unlike what is imagined – hoped – for myself.

I do have a number of problems with the scene described, not least that the testicles have a strong blood flow and it is possible to bleed to death through testicular damage. There was no mention of clamping arteries in the story. For all that, it was exceptionally hot.

The chapter on the social world of leather has a number of astute observations on the importance of other interests keeping a couple together rather than just sex.

…it is not uncommon to find either or both of the partners living with (“married”) to someone else. It is almost skin to a straight man having both a wife and a mistress. Except that with us there is often no need to hide extracurricular activity.

Page 270

Not quite what you’d call polyamoury, but certainly open. And as Larry says, very mature.

I think leather people maintain a much easier, more realistic concept of life versus sex relationships … and are much less likely to confuse the two.

Page 271

Funiculosus certainly demonstrates this mature way of thinking, and his partner appears to share it. Cicero similarly has clear separation of life and sex. It’s quite an attractive way to live – and confusing to navigate at first as one slowly dismantles years of heteronomative and monogamous programming.

I greatly enjoyed this book – and I am very surprised that it is so hard to come by. There is a sequel, which I am definitely going to get!