A little over a month ago, I shared a short anonymous survey to better understand where our community gathers – and where people feel safe discussing sensitive aspects of identity.

The survey was prompted by ongoing conversations about data security, privacy, and changing platform policies, particularly around identity verification and biometric age checks. Rather than speculate, I wanted to hear directly from people.

In total, 165 people responded.

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Where are we?

The community is spread across multiple platforms, with no single dominant “home”.

Reddit was the most frequently used platform, followed by Discord, FetLife, and Telegram.

This confirms something many of us already experience: our community is not centralised. It exists across a network of spaces, each with its own strengths and weaknesses.

I am amazed at the diversity of people on these sites. It makes for interesting discussions.

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How important is anonymity?

For most respondents, anonymity is not a preference – it is a requirement.

Around two-thirds of respondents said that anonymity is either very important or essential for their safety, with only a very small number indicating that it is not important.

That is a striking result. It suggests that the ability to participate without being identified is fundamental to how this community functions.

Privacy is critical. These spaces may be the only place people can talk openly about socially difficult things, private things.

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Concerns about identity verification

A large majority of respondents expressed concern about platforms introducing identity verification measures such as ID checks or facial age estimation.

This is not a marginal issue. Concern was both widespread and strongly expressed.

I am concerned about underage users, but equally I am concerned about my own privacy and anonymity

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What happens if verification becomes mandatory?

Perhaps the most significant finding is how people expect to respond if biometric or identity-based verification becomes required.

Only a small minority said they would continue using a platform without changing their behaviour.

Most respondents indicated that they would either:

• reduce their participation,
• move to another platform, or
• leave entirely.

In other words, this is not just about discomfort – it is likely to lead to real changes in how and where people engage.

With the political climate about gender I feel like anonymity is a must, I don’t want to end up on a blacklist for being myself

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Is there appetite for alternatives?

Yes – and quite clearly.

A large majority of respondents said they would either support or consider moving to a more privacy-focused platform. Only a very small number said they would not.

This does not mean that a migration is imminent, or even desirable. But it does suggest that people are open to change if it improves safety and privacy.

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What does this mean?

A few things stand out to me.

First, our community is already distributed. There is no single platform that defines us, which brings both resilience and fragmentation.

Second, anonymity matters deeply – not abstractly, but in terms of personal safety and the ability to participate at all.

Third, changes to platform policies around identity verification are not neutral. For many people, they would directly affect whether they feel able to remain part of these spaces.

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What next?

This survey was not intended to push toward any particular outcome, and I am not proposing any immediate changes.

However, it does give us a clearer picture of where we are – and raises some important questions about where we might want to be.

I would be interested to hear further thoughts from others, particularly around:

• what makes a platform feel safe in practice,
• what trade-offs people are willing (or not willing) to make,
• and whether there is value in exploring more privacy-focused options.

For now, thank you to everyone who took the time to respond.

Note: all quotes are taken from the anonymous survey responses