I am slowly repairing the house after the flood of the summer before last. The husband had cracked the toilet cistern. My focus has been on the kitchen.

Even before the water leak, the radiator in the kitchen has been removed because it was coming detached from the wall. As part of the general tidy up of the kitchen I bought a new radiator.

I asked my (ex)husband if he could fit it for me because he enjoys doing such things and I don’t know how to do it.

He came over last week and mounted it to the wall, then tonight we went to B&Q to get some extra bits to finish the job.

The first time we’ve been to a hardware store together since we separated. It felt … good.

Once we’d got what he needed to finish the job, we drove to Romsey for dinner – my treat to say thank you for working on the radiator.

Over dinner we talked about our various illnesses and difficulty with medication. Like old people.

Then I asked whether he’d like to hear about some of my friends.

He said that he didn’t mind and that it would be ok. Not gushing, but at least it was some kind of go-ahead.

I started with “Friday night is movie night” and spoke a little about Ambrosius.

Then I spoke a little about Patricius.

It felt really good to start to open up about my life to my husband – if we are to be friends I have to be able to tell him what’s going on in my life – talking about my friends is a big step in that direction.

I have felt trapped between his accusations that I’m a “closed book” to him and his threat of a meltdown whenever I suggested that I had any kind of connection with another person.

I was even able to refer to Funiculosus – not the rope and kink (maybe that really is too far to go with the man with whom I used to be so close), but I talked that I’ll be going to London with him next weekend. This is about how much of myself is it safe to reveal.

So now I am beginning to feel a little more comfortable around the man who was everything to me. I don’t need to edit myself quite so much – and so I become more of my authentic self with him.

It is only by being authentic that a true and deep friendship can develop.