Ambiguity Isn’t Romantic – It’s Noise

For me, ambiguity isn’t “space”, it’s unresolved input. My brain doesn’t rest because it can’t close the loop – I am constantly trying to square a circle and make things add up.

Clarity as a Nervous System Requirement

When I seek clarity in communication its not because I am looking for reassurance or control (although I get accused of both of those things), its more about a kind of signal fidelity so that I don’t have to employ any mental processing attempting to extract the actual meaning.

What works for me are clear words, consistent behaviour, predictable emotional temperature. Think of it not so much as a preference but as an accessibility requirement. Like a high-contrast colour scheme on a website.

Why Secure People Feel Physically Soothing

So this is why secure people feel so soothing to me – time with them doesn’t require any additional thought, their communication is clear and uncluttered with contrary signals because they have the confidence in their own emotions and how to express them.

Their presence reduces any need for me to mask, predict or extrapolate, or perform any additional internal translation.

This is where my body knows before my intellect does.

Attachment Theory, Autistic Edition

Reading about Attachment Theory, it seems that many models assume:

• flexible signal interpretation
• tolerance for uncertainty
• emotional intuition filling gaps

However, my brain is spending time filling in gaps. This is less of a problem when I am around those with Secure Attachment styles, since they tend to require much less interpretation because there is less discrepancy between what they say and how they act.

Those with Insecure Attachment styles often leave me confused or second guessing what is actually meant – and that is exhausting and has the potential to create a lot of friction in the relationship.

Choosing Fit, Not Growth-Through-Pain

I spend a lot of time looking at myself to see what I should change about myself. Sometimes it is accepting that a situation is what it is, at other times it making different choices.

This is making different choices: I’m not “working on myself” to tolerate misattunement with others, I am choosing environments that don’t injure me in the first place.