London’s leather weekend was the most debauched I’ve ever been. Again, without going into details on a public site, I had more sex in the four days that I was there than in the previous four years.

And I’m a total bottom.

These days, thanks to the heart medication, I couldn’t top of I wanted to. Mind you, the meds give me the perfect excuse to say “sorry I can’t top you, I’m on medication”, which somehow feels nicer than “I’m a greedy bottom who doesn’t like topping”.

However…

It seems that I’m paying for my licentiousness this week in the form of haemorrhoids!

I like a little bit of pain in sex as a kind of seasoning – it adds to the flavour of the experience. Pain in sex is mostly (at least in my experience) sharp and soon over – spanking, or the riding crop, flogger (how I love the flogger), or the paddle.

Piles are a dull ache that becomes nastier when there’s some cleaning to do.

And then there are the bowel movements – why do piles seem to make my poo like it’s been whipped and aerated? Super messy and much harder to clean up after? Thank goodness for wet toilet paper and the soothing cool of their moisturised sheets!

To add insult to injury, Germaloid cream makes a horrendous mess of one’s underwear. White smears on the back of my undies – therefore no backless briefs otherwise my jeans get ruined by the same yukky goo.

No more thongs for a while! They pass right over my inflamed butthole. Ouch!

At least Germaloid cream kinda smells nice.

Maybe I’ll try a bit of lidocaine lube and a dildo and try to gently massage the blighters away … or maybe I really am a eunuch being driven insane by sexual liberation! 🤣😈