I’ve not heard from my husband for a few days. I was getting worried. He’s not the world’s greatest responder to messages, but I like to know that he’s “OK” (whatever that means). Actually, that means alive, not excessively ill, and not in any kind of danger or crisis.

This morning I sent him a check-in message, asking after his health, and telling him that I was in the office today and that the dog would enjoy his company – I even had some chocolate brasils for him!

I didn’t hear from him all day, and he’d not been in the house while I was at work.

I decided to walk over to see him after tea. I took the dog with me.

There was a windy squall that came and went. It wasn’t nice, but it was mild – so I actually got hot. The dog got wet. the wind and rain pushed against me, as the weather itself was saying “don’t go”.

As I walked my stomach tied itself in knots. What if he wasn’t alright? What if he’d taken an overdose? What if he doesn’t answer? What if he’s in hospital? Will he be pleased to see me? Will he be pissed off that I have just turned up?

As I arrived at the house, I could see the kitchen light was on, which was encouraging, although that on its own didn’t mean anything. The dog knew where she was and got excited.

I knocked on the patio doors a couple of times. The curtains twitched and I waved. The door opened.

He was okay, but not happy – I was interrupting his tea.

The dog went a bit bananas and tried to go into his flat, but she was damp and he showed no sign of wanting us there, so I called her back.

“We just popped over to see if you’re alright; I’d not heard anything from you for a few days,” I said.

“I’m not alright,” he said – he wasn’t pleased to see me at all. He seemed – angry maybe?

I asked how his chest was. A little better.

I gave him the brasils I’d bought, we hugged – briefly – and then I left, feeling small and sad.

Why had I gone? Was if from caring, or just wanting to be seen to be doing “the right thing”?

I didn’t expect gratitude that I’d come to make sure that he was OK – he hadn’t asked me to – but somehow I felt deflated. I feel sad.

He did say “thank you for checking on me”, but it felt somewhat like a Bilbo’s “good morning” to Gandalf – a sort of polite “go away”.

I don’t much feel like doing it again any time soon.