Today I met up with a fellow who had been suffering from dysphoria for a very long time; we’ve been chatting online for a little over a year.

We decided to meet up halfway between our two homes as we were both wanting to travel by train.

It was an early start, made more difficult by a late movie night with a friend. Well, it wasn’t just a late movie, it was CBD gummies and a couple of pints! That’s what made the morning particularly difficult!

He met me at the station and we walked to a café where we both had decaffe latte, followed by a spot of breakfast. The café wasn’t too busy, but there was a lot of background noise which sometimes made it hard to listen to him, but he was understanding.

He seemed nervous, which I could relate to – I remember when I first met my first eunuchs and the nerves and excitement I felt (I was already one myself by then).

Such a charming gentleman with a wicked twinkle! He was excited to meet his first real-life eunuch. I remember what it felt like when I met the first people who felt a similar way towards their body as I – that thrill of sharing something at such a deep level with another human being which is otherwise shrouded in shame and secrecy.

It was also a special moment for me – being somebody’s first anything is a moment.

He was full of questions, and had a very kind way of asking. I had no boundaries around what I was willing to talk about – but I won’t ever break a confidence. As long as it’s about my stuff, there’s no holds barred!

Our experiences of dysphoria seemed to be identical – especially how certain things (like chastity cages) could drive the feeling of dysphoria through the roof. It was as though this was the first time he’d managed to share how certain things, which seemed fun in themselves could make us feel so much worse.

Talking to people about these thoughts and feelings is crucial to understanding ourselves and learning to manage our more dangerous impulses.

Like me, his dysphoria was hard to place initially, although he thought it was about something else completely. He shared some very private things with me – it was a privilege to be so trusted and very moving.

He was very generous with his own history and was an extremely good narrator. Sometimes his attention would jump tracks from one subject to another – something else I can relate to when the dust-motes of inspiration come at me thick and fast!

It was so wonderful to hear of the love and support that he gets from his husband – the clear communication and lack of jealousy – and the interest in each others adventures! I felt that it was an example of how an open relationship can work – and work well.

At the time I only thought that this was wonderful, but I didn’t reflect on how I failed my husband by being closed and unable to express myself – nor let him express himself.

Our talk covered changes in how the penis and it’s environs heal, and how they feel after surgery and how the feeling changes over time – my scrotal void is my favourite erogenous zone! We discussed various methods of delivering testosterone, how different people benefit from different systems – and possible issues with the different ways of delivering testosterone. I shared my experience of life without testosterone (the horrors of hot flushes, poor sleep, lack of energy, and brain fog) – but also the changes in emotions and how sex feels without hormones. Its something anybody wishing to become a eunuch has to accept as a genuine risk to physical and mental health if ever there was an unexpected interruption in the supply of sex hormone.

Like many of us, his dysphoria sometimes manifested though fetish and kink. He has spent a long time meditating on this, so I have no doubts that this will work out for him, but we did talk about how ordinary not having testicles or a scrotum to the detesticulated. It’s essential to fully accept that becoming a eunuch is a life altering and irrevocable decision: I only want happy eunuch brothers!

He was keen for me to meet his husband, who sounds like a fascinating fellow as well.

What wonders the world reveals when we are open to them!