I have been missing my husband and I wanted to check on him and make sure that he’s ok – he has been ill (a 48 hour sickness and diarrhea bug).

I’d also baked a cake and wanted to take him some for him.

He didn’t seem that keen for me to visit – actually, he’s been very slow to reply to my messages, but he did agree with a stiff “that should be fine” text.

So I pack some cake, and the dog and I trotted over there.

She knew where she was going when she got close, but he didn’t seem pleased to see either of us. He was still feeling a bit rough, but he is finding the separation very difficult.

I wonder: am I insensitive wanting to build any kind of relationship with him?

I gave him the cake, which he put to one side, after observing that it wasn’t as green as I’d said it was.

“The batter was very green,” I said, “but it went pale when I cooked it. It did rise, but the oven was too hot and it cooked on the outside too quickly, and then dropped because I kept having to check whether it was cooked.”

I don’t know whether he’s going to actually eat it because it contains avocado and lime and he doesn’t much like avocados. You can’t taste them, but he knows they’re there.

I chattered on about the various goings on in my life, medications, side effects, work, and recovery. I even confessed that I went to Nuzzles puppy play event, which confused him – he wasn’t much interested in seeing pictures either.

He eventually offered me a cup of tea, which I accepted. But I was running out of things I was willing to talk about, and he seemed unwilling to say anything about himself.

I felt awkward.

I drank the tea while it was still too hot for me and said my goodbye.

I still love him – but, boy! It is so much easier to love him at a distance!

That night I struggled to get to sleep.

Tea! With caffeine that late at night!

Fool!

O! Sacred imperial brew!
With coppery coloured hue,
'Tis bev'ridge Briton nacíonal,
To drink every hour is normál,
Used to assist mental process,
Always offered in a crisis, 
But when taken at night -
Makes sleep take flight -
O! Curséd and infernal stew!