So. It was a heart attack.

Running, cycling, gym, on average healthy food with fruit and veg, low salt, and all that stuff didn’t stop it. I suppose not enjoying being healthy might have made the problem appear much, much sooner – and given me less resilience to deal with it now.

From the angiogram, they could see that of the three arteries servicing the heart, only one was unaffected, one was completely blocked, and one is very narrow and diseased. They managed to reopen the blocked one.

They are going to allow me to recover in hospital over the next couple of days, then they’ll have a meeting to decide what to do next. It’s possible that they’ll suggest a bypass for the remaining diseased artery because whilst the recovery is longer, the long term risks are actually much lower. Stents require the use of blood thinners and the body can also build yuk around them and cause the very problem they are designed to solve.

Of course, my brain is trying to understand “why?”, since I was doing a lot of the “right stuff” for a healthy heart.

I knew that I needed a rest. That’s what this fortnight off work has been about. Isn’t it ironic that I get ill during my time off? Do you often find that? You have a bit of leave, and that’s when your body decides that it’s got time to endure a cold?

Here are my current “theories”, none of which could be verified and are therefore pointless:

1. That’s just my genetics. Although there’s no sign of a problem in any part of the family. Actually, my nan had angina, but then she was quite old and very overweight.
2. Stress! Years of emotional stress from managing my husband’s illness and the unpredictable and occasionally violent switches.
3. There’s also the stress of undiagnosed autistic spectrum – always being at a heightened level of alert in situations just slowly building up.
4. The seven months without testosterone would have accelerated things, but by his much cannot be known. It would have made an existing problem worse, but not created the problem in the first place.

Given that stress features in most of my scenarios, it suggests that I really need to limit my exposure to it going forward and develop better coping strategies.

I had to call by boss yesterday. He’s messaged me today to check his I’m doing. He is lovely.

He has had to tell others at the office: this isn’t going to be a quick recovery and will impact my work – although, generally, I don’t find work stressful! I know how to do it … most of the time!

I also have to call my dad and brother … I am putting that is because I don’t want the stress and worry! Dealing with other people’s emotions is possibly what got me into this pickle in the first place, still, to quote Sam Gamgee’s old gaffer “it’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish”…

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Done! That wasn’t so bad. I told my dad “do not come” – I think he’ll be glad of that because his various outputs aren’t reliable and tend to eject fluids and more troublesomely solids without much much warning in an exciting event known as “gastric dumping” (that’s the medical term!). Basically, he’s unlikely to be able to manage a drive down here.

My brother was actually more difficult. He was more emotional, but did say about coming to see me. I be told him that might be very stressful for him, he’s two young boys, one with an ASD diagnosis, and a girlfriend who is best described as volatile.

If my problems are stress related, then he has way more stress than me. I told him as much. He then told me that he gets breathless walking the kids to school. He needs to talk to his doctor ASAP.

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A few thoughts while I’m lying here listening to the alarms screaming about something or other…

ChatGPT insisted that I call 999 and directly diagnosed heart attack (without ruling out anxiety attack or indigestion).

I have a blood pressure cuff and blood oxygen saturation thing at home, but I could not find them. If I had found them, they would have shown that everything is normal and I wouldn’t have called 999.

Only the blood test revealed the heart attack.

I have been lucky.