Up early

Today is the day of the company party.

I had planned to sleep until seven, but my brain had other plans: the anxiety about the event disturbed my sleep and woke me early. The dog was glad of it though: she is usually pleased to see me.

The party is on Birmingham, which is roughly in the centre of the various offices (Southampton, Bristol, New Castle, Norway). I picked up one colleague on the way to the house of a second colleague (my boss).

My boss drove us to Birmingham in his fancy electric car, but there was just time for me to say “hello” to his gorgeous springer spaniels. There is only the slightest smell of dog to them, even when they are up close. Friendly and affectionate, but also very well behaved. I was sad to leave them!

The journey was BORING. I guess that’s good really: no traffic and no accidents.

Many meetings

We were almost the first to arrive, which I was glad of, because it meant that I could slowly get used to the crowd as it built.

With so many of us remote working, it’s amazing how different people are in real life. I joke “oh! You have legs!” because I have only ever seen their heads.

It’s funny that my assumptions about height, which I don’t realise that I’ve even made, are so often wrong: people are taller or shorter than I find that I’ve imagined them being. Sometimes, i don’t even recognise the people with whom I have conversed with over video call!

Quiet time

There was so much noise and chatter that I couldn’t hear what the person next to me was saying, the heat was intolerable, and I became aware that I was humming and beating rhythms out on my thighs: time to get away for a bit.

I headed towards the door, where I saw my boss’s boss. He is a lovely guy, funny and kind. I also suspect that there is some neuro-divergence there because he’s always playing with something in meetings.

I was delighted when he gave me a warm hug – this was the first time we’d met face to face. I think he recognised that I needed some space.

We sat and he asked me about recent history. I think he would have listened very nicely, but others, also exhausted by the noise and heat, were seeking quieter areas to decompress.

Team building

Often, team building can be a horrendous and cringe worthy activity, however the company has arranged a Lego based activity. I was intrigued: I have always loved Lego!

We were assigned tables and teams – often people we spent the with, which makes a lot of sense: it’s about strengthening existing relationships and having fun.

I was straight away into the enormous pile of Lego bricks in there centre of the table. I’d built a rainbow, a non-binary flag, and a tree before the instruction not to play with the Lego until the games began was made!

As a kid, I never had to share my Lego, nor play with anyone else. My brother is five-and-a-half years younger than me, so he was never allowed to play with the small “older child” bricks that I had.

This was going to be interesting!

• Firstly, we had to build something that represented a special time or place. I built a mountain to represent trekking in the Himalayas. Others build some quite remarkable things, like swimming pools or somebody skiing.
• Then we had to make a model of the colleague say next to us and create a model of something unique about them.
• After that, as a table, we had to decide a team name. We had lots of ideas, but no decisions. When the chappie came over to ask our name, I cashed out “the undecided” before anyone could say anything else. Such fun.
• As a team, we then had to build a tower. Ours was the tallest. Hurrah!
• Then the team had to build a bridge. We started by making a lot bridge with lots of piers to support it. The activity leader came over to tell us that we were doing it wrong. “It’s still a bridge, whether it has a single span or multiple spans,” we all objected. However, the requirements were refunded to mean a single span. This is rather typical of the project we’re on: the business analysists come up with something, don’t confirm with the customer, and then (when we think we’re finished), the customer explains what they really wanted all along. This is one big reason why the project is late. Interesting fact: our table had three of the company BAs on it … and we made the same damned mistake! 🤣

The speaker

The MD gave a speech, although I felt remember anything about it. It wasn’t significant to me except in so much as he came from Birmingham and he explained why it was called the “Black Country” and that Birmingham was once very rich because of the local industry. The city is full of magnificent buildings from that golden age. Today, these are dwarfed by glittering office and residential towers.

For my American readers, Birmingham here is pronounced “ber-ming-hum” with the last syllable being very short, you could even lose the vowel.

The next speaker was someone I didn’t recognise. He introduced himself as independent adviser on prisons.

He started by reading the Oscar Wilde poem The Ballad of Reading Gaol V, which was very moving. It transpired that this fellow himself had once been in prison for five years.

I know not whether Laws be right,
Or whether Laws be wrong;
All that we know who lie in gaol
Is that the wall is strong;
And that each day is like a year,
A year whose days are long.

But this I know, that every Law
That men have made for Man,
Since first Man took his brother's life,
And the sad world began,
But straws the wheat and saves the chaff
With a most evil fan.

This too I know—and wise it were
If each could know the same—
That every prison that men build
Is built with bricks of shame,
And bound with bars lest Christ should see
How men their brothers maim.

Extract from The Ballad of Reading Gaol V, Oscar Wilde

He thanked us for our software and the difference it makes to the lives of prisoners: he said that if our software had existed when he was in prison, they might have intervened before his BMI got to EIGHT. He was a taller, strong looking, elder gentleman – it was hard imagining him being so very thin and in danger for his life.

Again he talked about Oscar Wilde and his De Profundis letter written in support of a prison officer summarily sacked for giving a fourteen year old boy ONE biscuit.

He talked about authority and how it can dehumanise, and suggested even that the laws are not always morally correct. I have often seen that “legality isn’t always a good indicator of what is right or wrong”. Slavery was legal. Being homosexual was illegal (and still is in much of the world). Oscar Wilde was imprisoned for being gay. That could have been me.

I was deeply moved by the end of this speech. I want to find out a bit more about the chap.

The company I work for and the software that I help write, amongst the many this that it does, also helps protect vulnerable prisoners who might not be engaging, may be being bullied, or are struggling with their mental health – and after at risk of serious harm to themselves or even death. I feel proud that I with for a company that has such a mission.

“Food”

I won’t go on about the food. It was delicious, but it was also very elegantly proportioned. Many of us were still hungry after we’d been through all the courses – this was to have an uncomfortable effect on many who became more drunk than they might have liked on all the wine provided.

Some of these became quite affectionate with the drink (nobody became nasty), which gave me very mixed signals to begin with: I thought that this twenty-seven year old cutie was coming onto me. I really don’t usually go for younger guys, and he is very cute and a little androgynous and absolutely not my usual “type” – however, “types” can be prisons that restrict experiences.

There are two things here: firstly, the benefit of knowing that one shouldn’t mess one’s own bed – meaning don’t get too involved with work colleagues because it can destroy a good working relationship. Secondly he was super affectionate with everybody, which I actually found very endearing! I was relieved that I never responded to his affections!

I am tired now. It is the end of a lovely night spent with colleagues, many of whom are also friends.

I came home exhausted but grateful for the people I work with, the work itself, and, yes, for Lego.