Tonight we had Chinese takeaway. This is probably going to be the last time that I get a Chinese for a while – it used to be the treat as a kid for any kind of celebration … but it’s almost the only takeaway that the husband will eat (that and kebab). I’ve had so many of them over the years and they’ve all been restricted by what he will eat, so I am rather bored of them. A treat that I have had so much that is actually hate it now! Too much of a good thing I suppose.

I think I would be feeling sad about it, even though I have seriously gone off Chinese food, if it wasn’t that I was so bloody tired!

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After we watching some god-awful horror film, he came to my bed. Just to sleep, but it was beautiful that he did.

The trouble was, I’d put the duvet into the cover because I was finding the mornings were getting a bit cold, but with the two of us in the bed it made the night too warm. I found myself at the very edge of the bed trying to keep cool, and I think the husband was at the other side of the bed trying to do the same – and quietly grumbling that my new mattress was too hard for him.

At some point in the night, I spooned him, then later on he spooned me. That was good.

Yet, in the morning, he said “well, that was awkward,” as he got out of bed. That didn’t feel good to hear – it was also surprising.

I asked him about it in the morning and he said that he felt that I was trying to keep away from him! Nope: I was hot! And we spooned much of the night!

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We are managing to cooperate – in some ways that is easier than ever – I helped him pick out and collect a new TV and Blu-ray player, we’re working together to sort out the mobile phone divorce (separating them into two accounts so we can pay for our own). We don’t talk about anything emotional, nor have we talked about what will be like after he has moved out.

I still find that talking about current events, TV, and films difficult, but I think that’s because I find his flat rebuttal of a comment I make or observation feels like I am being slapped down. I think that is just his direct way of speaking.

Then I sit in the garden in the morning and find that I am crying. That normal response to the situation was nonetheless unexpected.

I thought that I was coping.

I guess that I am really – practical things like sorting out bills and suchlike are relatively easy for me.