My husband’s flat rental is progressing: he’s been contacted for more information and proof of income, and my boss has been asked for a reference for me and my income. I am still not clear on whether I will be a co-tenant or the guarantor, although I hope for everybody’s sake that is co-tenant.

Over tea (the meal, not the cuppa!), I noticed that husband was shaking: “has something happened that has made you more anxious, or is it cumulative anxiety?”

“A bit of both,” he said, and told me about the call with the letting agent. He also expressed some worry because he’s had sepsis twice, and on one of those occasions he was shaking not unlike this time, although he also had a terrible cough and heart palpitations last time, as well as a temperature. He didn’t have those symptoms this time.

I did offer to stay home tomorrow just in case; he demurred. I remember the terrible fear that I might lose him in those occasions, in the intensive care unit watching the nurses perform the delicate balancing act that brought him back from the brink of death both times.

“I think it’s because things are getting real,” he said, “I could be out of your hair by the end of the month.”

I felt teary and couldn’t immediately work out how I felt – other than just terribly sad. Maybe that’s all there is to it: I feel sad.

I held him for a while.

He said that even when he gets a date, he’s not going to rush to move, instead focusing on getting things sorted (such as broadband – which these days is more important than water and only less important than electricity because it needs it to run).

He also remembered that I have a work’s do in the middle of August.

As we pottered around making tea for ourselves – we eat separately these days – I said that I’d understand if he didn’t want to look after the dog (although that means I would be unable to go – and I’ve bought clothes for it).

I mentioned that I’d be seeing a friend in Brighton that same week. There was a look of panic in his face: “I’m afraid of what you might say next,” he said.

Therefore, I didn’t say anything other than this was a day trip for both me and this friend.

Honesty cannot flourish in such an environment as ours.