Today is one of those days.

I did not want to get up.

When I cycled to the office, every car was either too fast or too slow or too in my way.

There was a fellow cyclist who was too slow.

I got stuck on a roundabout because the cars wouldn’t indicate correctly.

When I got into the office and turned my laptop on, the docking station kept turning the monitors on and off. I had a complete hissy-fit and smashed my hands on my keyboard. A colleague in the next room popped his head in to see what had been broken. This was clearly a quite a loud meltdown if I pulling people in from the next room to find out what’s going on.

Then my code wouldn’t run properly.

In the morning meeting, I told the team that I was in a mood and was feeling a little murderous.

---

Irritability is often the canary in the coal mine. For me, it can mean a migraine’s coming. But it’s also a red flag for autistic burnout.

The day to day grind of work meetings gets to me – especially meetings with several people all talking at once! But worse, much worse, than that is the end of my marriage.

I might look like I am coping. I am not: it is taking everything I have to keep my little feet treading water.

I am also losing my drive to do the things I enjoy: piano, running, gym, cycling, reading are all getting much less attention than they need for my peace of mind.

The only thing I am keeping up with regularly is this blog – and some days that is way more difficult to do than others.

I feel the need to retreat into a hermetically sealed room with perfect darkness and listen to something very calming while stroking something nice and textured.

This eunuch’s gotta a day job and hiding in a sound-proof box ain’t gonna pay the mortgage!