Today I visited my dad, my brother and his girlfriend, and my two darling nephews.

Just before I left the house, my husband emerged from the back bedroom, where he sleeps most of the time, and he asked whether he could get into the main bed. I said yes, but he didn’t stay – he was feeling too sick. In the morning, he asked me to pick up his medications on the way to Bristol. It made me slightly late, but his shakes and anxiety are much worse without them.

He also asked for a hug. I gave him one. This is very confusing for me.

I still love and care about him.

He sounded a little bitter about me buying him out of the house. It was his idea, but it feels, well horrible, but I also think that it’s the best thing really.

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My dad was being taken shopping with some friends, so he didn’t want me to stay long. I am glad that he has people that look out for him. He doesn’t like asking either me or my brother, so I’m glad that will ask other people.

I told him about what’s happening with my husband and me. He was upset enough to return to the matter a few times while I was with him; normally, he forgets what’s been said and keeps talking about his own stuff – today was a bit different.

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Afterwards, I went to see my brother and his two boys. The kids were lovely, although their mum loses patience with them quite quickly really – and then she and my brother argue, which creates an extremely uncomfortable atmosphere.

I love the way the kids are “Uncle James! Uncle James!” I sit on the floor and just do whatever they do. Although, this time I taught them to stand their superhero figures in a line so that you push one over and they all fall like dominoes, which the boys thought was hysterical.

The boys also played with Lego and we built many a rocket together. Lastly a wooden trainset came out and we played with that for a while. The key thing is to get down on the floor and just do whatever they are doing.

My brother started a conversation about LGBTQ+ stuff – it was all too complicated for him and he was grumbling about why people need to identify in so many ways. I tried, successfully, to explain what non-binary was and what it means to me. I don’t think he got it, but then it was hard to explain it while the kids were constantly competing for attention.

I do worry about my brother’s political outlook sometimes – there’s the whiff of right-wing to him. To me that’s characterised by simplistic explanations for the state of the world, where groups of underprivileged or disempowered people are blamed for things outside of their control. They are scapegoats for the world’s woes.

I’ll have a think about how to explain gender theory better to him next time!

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And so I am now on my way home – I fear what I will find when I get there.