My ancestral mother goddesses, who bring the sunshine – my mum and my nan – have once again arranged for beautiful weather for my trip to Clevedon to polish their plaque and remember the happy memories. And I find that I cry a little.

There a few a things that I do when I come. Chips (with our without fish) for lunch. In the warm sun, the dog and I sat on the pebbly beach and shared them.

Hmm. Beautiful picture of the dog. Shame that tubby idiot photo-bombed it!

Then we walked to the pier, where I polished the plaques, had a cup of tea and ate a bit of cake. The plaque polishing, tea and cake, are central to the ritual of remembrance for my loved ones.

Next to the plaques, a girl was playing the electric violin. She was exceptionally talented – some of her music really made my eyes fill up. Both mum and nan would have loved her. Nan would have insisted talking to her. She was wonderful like that was my nan!

After a few pieces, the dog got a bit restless – she was being a good girl, but she has no appreciation of music! I’m started walking back towards the land, however I was feeling a little raw, so halfway back along the pier I stopped, and found myself lying on the seats at the side of the pier, enjoying the warm spring sunshine, but feeling the grief quite intensely.

I had asked my husband if he would like to come, but even before my coming out as eunuch, he’d been withdrawing from my family. I missed today.