Gay and tired

The two interviews of prospective couples counsellors left me feeling a little bit … I don’t know … unable to settle last night. I had a very disturbed sleep, which caused me to wake up early.

When I did wake up, I was also busting for a pee, and so I rose, applied my Testavan testosterone gel, had my banana and a coffee and went to the gym.

At the gym I did circuits on my own, listening to tunes that make me smile in order to energise me. Most of my work was on my legs in preparation for the half marathon in May.

Team Day

Every three weeks we have a number of ceremonies where teams present the work they’ve done, review their progress and the things that have helped and hindered them, and plan for the next iteration.

For lunch we always go out and have a meal together.

Hurrah for living near the office, because those that don’t sadly don’t get to join in.

This is my favourite part of the day.

Today, I had my favourite from our usual place: fajitas!

The afternoon was hard going though as the poor amount of sleep from last night began to catch up with me – as has a migraine. I’d best do something about it before it gets to be too much!

Counsellor #3

This counsellor we saw face to face in her room in the centre of town, not far from the London gay pub. It was in an old building with a beautiful staircase, which was being refurbished.

She met us on the landing and led us to her room.

There were two sofas facing each other, a table in-between, a lamp in one corner, and a plant and gym ball in another corner.

I sat on the floor near the gym ball, which I think surprised both her and my husband.

“It helps me feel grounded,” I said.

We gave her a more detailed introduction than the first two – it helped enormously that we weren’t being hampered by poor telephone or Zoom connections.

Hubby came out as a therapist himself, which he later said felt good to do because it’s an important part of who he is.

I explained a little about my communication difficulties; I didn’t mention autism directly though, and I wonder whether that was a mistake.

She was open to us having an individual session each to talk about what we wanted her to know before we came to work together in therapy. She was open to that.

Her experience regarding same-sex and gender-divergence wasn’t as clear as the second person we spoke to yesterday.

I didn’t get a sense of warmth from her, but then I hadn’t from the other two either. I don’t know what that lack of connection means, if anything.

Husband didn’t feel a good connection either and he said that something in his gut didn’t feel right.

We aren’t going to make any decisions until we’ve seen them all and had chance to talk it out properly.

It does feel like we are working as a team in picking our counsellor, which feels good.

Tomorrow…

Is one year from my surgery…