Its interesting that the more I learn about myself, the greater understanding I have of my past actions. They make more sense – even if the knowledge doesn’t actually make me any happier.

Only a month after my husband and I moved to Southampton from Bristol, my parents came to stay the night. This was the first time they had ever stayed under our roof, so it was quite a thing!

We took them to lunch at a local Portuguese café, where mum and I ate one of everything on the menu (we shared), my husband picked at things, and my dad abstained (he prefers a liquid lunch).

The weather wasn’t great, so after lunch we drove around Southampton pointing things out through the rain. Mum made all the interested noises even though I don’t expect she could see very much. Dad didn’t say much at all, but at least he didn’t grumble.

For tea, I nipped to the local Chinese takeaway and we watched Strictly Come Dancing together followed by a film.

Mum and dad were in the back bedroom nearest the bathroom (for their convenience).

It had been a lovely day, if only a little bit spoilt by the wet.

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The next morning I was the last up.

Mum and dad started talking at me straight away. I wasn’t sued to it and like my mornings quietly listening to the radio over coffee and breakfast. Its usually a couple of hours for me to be ready to face other human beings.

I am afraid that I was quiet grumpy.

I don’t know whether mum and dad noticed particularly, but I knew that I wasn’t in a good space and I felt bad about it.

I felt a lot worse when mum died a year later: the only time she had stayed in my house as a guest I was rude that one morning.

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Of course, mum was wonderful and she never said anything and we were always friends, yet it is a regret that I have. I also regret that she never knew me as I am now, because I have faith that she would have loved me just the same.

Understanding that this need for a set pattern of a morning which involved not speaking to anybody could form part of an ASD trait helps a little. Its better than thinking that I was just a bit shit. It fits with other aspects of my self-realisation in needing fixed routines and time to adjust to changes.

If nothing else, its a reminder that time is short and to be as kind and loving as one can at any time.