Enjoying the season

Driving north through Hampshire, I’m reminded of what mum loved about this season; even in the middle of autumn, the dying daylight’s dictates have turned the trees amber and gold and rust glowing against the grey sky – at least those that have held onto their leaves until now – waiting for the winds of winter to finally denude them.

As I drive, I listen to a playlist I created a few years ago of tracks which mum liked, or which remind me of her. I always put it onto random, and today I’ve heard a lot of Phil Collins and Simply Red.

Memories by the sea

I parked on the sea front and enjoyed the fresh air. It feels very calm and quiet today, even if it is grey. The estuary is a level plain of chocolate, yet the air is salty. My nan would have just sat and breathed for a while.

I look across at the rocks by the pier and remember climbing on them with my little brother. My nan didn’t seem to worry about us – or if she did, she hid it well.

On the pier

Today, the pier has a sepulchral feeling. The grey skies and calm sea and low number of people creating a very peaceful aura.

I polished mum and nan’s plaques; they were looking a bit dull and weatherworn. The ink on mum’s had faded, and vanished in some places. After I’d polished them, the words stood out much more clearly “daughter, wife and mother – BELOVED FRIEND”.

I lay down on the bench next to the plaques and closed my eyes, absorbing the atmosphere. Far off the was the sound of a motorbike, nearer was the sound of gulls. I was surprised to feel the pier vibrating beneath me. I imagine it does it all the time, but it requires silence of the mind to sense it.

Food rituals

I had a cup of tea and a peace of cake, it’s what I’d have done with my nan, and it’s what I’d have done with my mum.

I wouldn’t normally have lunch so soon after me tea and cake, but I decided to have a small portion of fish and chips in the restaurant at the pier’s head. I do not remember ever eating here with mum or nan. I know we came into the building often to look through the porthole view of the underside of the pier. I find not remembering somehow upsetting.

From where I’m sat, I can see the One Direction plaque, which marks that they once filmed a music video here. It’s become a little shrine to the member who died recently (Liam Payne).

Shopping

I wandered through the town, where the quirky shops are. I bought a few knick-knacks for my husband’s birthday or Christmas.

For a town I know so well, there’s always something that catches me by surprise. I found a place that sells, well, tatt, but it also sold garden ornaments – Star Wars garden ornaments! I must have been in there before. I will have to go there and buy something come springtime.

I went into the music shop and played a bit of “Moonlight” on a keyboard. It wasn’t a full length keyboard and there were no pedals. I stopped when the shortness of the keyboard confused me, but what I did play sounded quite good to my ears.

Returning to the beach front, there was a family picnicing on the on the pebbles. That is totally British I am sure! There was a young girl climbing the same rocks that my brother and I had climbed forty years before.

Weather goddesses

Just as I pulled away the rain started. Both mum and nan have become weather goddesses, and they usually arrange for weather for me – especially when I go to Clevedon!

The voyage home is going to be in the dark because I’m late leaving.

I feel sad, but satisfied.

It’s been a good day.