Last night, my husband was very quiet. He barely said anything to me.

I did try to start conversations, but they didn’t go anywhere.

I couldn’t have dealt with a difficult conversation, since my new contact lenses weren’t quite right and I was tired out and slightly headachy. The new contact lenses are varifocal and near-biased, which means that the things in the distance are blurry. These new lenses aren’t working very well, since “the distance” is anything further than a couple of meters away!

I am worried though: was this just a one day thing? Is he brewing for a big (and difficult) conversation later? When he’s ready – and I may not be! The risk is that if I am not ready, that my response could be a bit random and probably not useful: I could shutdown or meltdown, or just be scratchy.

Last night, I played a bit of piano, which was difficult with the ghost of a headache still troubling me, then I read for an hour. I started both these activities nervously and tried to create opportunities for him to talk if he needed to. He didn’t.

When I lived in the flat, I looked forward to coming home to the peace and calm of my own space.

Now I am apprehensive about going home after work. Its noisy (TV) and I feel awkward – specially when my husband is in a mood.

I’m not feeling quite so tired today as I have been feeling, but I am still not great and struggled to get up this morning – my husband had a rough night (and talked a lot in his sleep – I ended up sleeping under the pillow). And it is taking time to get used to the new contact lenses.

I’d not be surprised he felt anxious about me coming home (he’s told me as much in the past) … what I don’t know is why … yet.

Today, I’m not as tired but still adjusting to the lenses. Part of me wants him to open up tonight, just to relieve the tension, but I’m still not sure I’m ready.