Batman

Today I went back to Bristol to spend the day with my two gorgeous nephews. The eldest was four on Tuesday.

We bought him a load of batman things: a costume, an ambulance, a batman track suit, and a batman figure.

He loved the figure!

“A batman!” he kept exclaiming.

He had some other batman things from his mum and dad, so we played with them too.

I bought the youngest a cuddly toy, because I think it’s difficult for you children to understand why one gets singled out for presents and they do not. He kept trying to grab his brother’s new toys, dad intervened, which narrowly avoided a fight.

He wasn’t interested in the costume at all and played with the figure all day.

Talking with my brother

My brother asked me about my ASD referral and how is home about it. Initially, he hadn’t seen the point, but then he thought that his eldest boy might appreciate knowing that his dad is like him too.

So I read what I shared with the doctor. He could relate to quite a lot of it.

It feels good to be connecting so much with him now. We are much closer, especially now that we realise that we have so much more in common.

The suicide game

Yesterday, my husband said that he took an overdose. I knew that he’d been talking his prescription medication improperly, however, he only had a week’s worth and taking the best part of a month’s in one go might have made him crazy, but it didn’t kill him.

What was new was paracetamol.

And he was bleeding from his bum

To my shame, I said “I don’t want to play the suicide game with you; you take an overdose, I call an ambulance, they spend three hours talking to you, you refuse to go to hospital anyway.” That wasn’t very kind.

I’m now worried that I might have ignored something really important.

However, be was up and dressed and just putting the TV on when I got home.

He has been to hospital, they took some bloods and checked his heart, but he didn’t want to stay for the results. He might have damaged his liver. The bleeding has stopped though.

We hugged for quite a while.

Are we toxic to each other?

He genuinely does not want an open relationship.

I am not certain how I feel about that. I have said that I don’t want to give an impulsive reaction and will think about how I’d like to respond.

On the one hand, I feel ok with that. On the other, that scares me because I no longer know if I really am ok with that. I don’t trust myself. If I don’t trust me, how will he be able to?

Last night in bed, he held my cock and said “I thought this was mine. I don’t want you to go with other guys”. I felt deeply uncomfortable; it was already stiff and I felt betrayed by it – I didn’t feel in that place where sexual contact between us felt right.

I suppose that’s something for counselling on Tuesday.