Today I have to day off. I have a massage booked later – I wanted a treat after the crazy last month or so that I’ve had. Also, I have had the dog cleaned, I want to get the car valeted as well.

I also wanted to strip the paint from the window on the worst affected wall, since the wood got very wet and split the gloss.

Somebody from the floor people came over to sort out a small patch of discoloration in the beautiful wooden floor. The older of the two guys, who was the more senior of the two.

He started asking me where my husband was. So I told him that he was away in Manchester, hopefully having some fun. He asked a few times, testing to see whether husband was working up there. “No, he’s just gone to have fun.” I said.

“What will you be doing?” He asked.

“I’ll be enjoying the quiet house, doing some reading, and I have a massage later. I just needed some time off after all the chaos of the last few weeks.”

I then went on about Manchester and the gay scene up there. The chap was curious about our relationship, so I explained that we were experimenting with being an open relationship.

All the time, this fellow is drinking his tea and moving towards me.

Then the penny drops!

He’s hitting on me!

I was flattered and confused. Flattered because he was a good looking older guy (65 – fit), and I was in my stinky work clothes.

I was confused because my husband and I haven’t agreed what the rules are about sex in the house.

Until I have spoken to my husband that is all I’m going to say there.

What I will say is that it was fun, I laughed, and now I feel ill – sick with guilt.

It’s an intense feeling.

I will have to talk to my husband about it. That is the only way for an open relationship to work is with honesty.

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He smelt good. But when he left I had to get his smell off me.

This was what I wanted. Kinda. This is what my husband and I talked about.

Except that it wasn’t.

All of our talk has been about how he feels about it.

I realise that I’ve not actually explored how it might feel for me to be with another guy. We’ve talked how I may feel when my husband goes with another guy. I wasn’t sure that I would be upset (what upset my husband was that I actually said “I don’t mind” – he wanted a dash of jealousy).

We’ve talked about how he would feel when I went with somebody else. I don’t think either one of us has talked about how we would feel about our own actions.

I guess this is something exciting to take to therapy this week!

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I loved the way be called me babe!