Introduction

I thought it would be good to share in one place some of my experiences with my current counsellor. With his permission, I have included a link at the end so that you can read more, or possibly reach out to him yourself.

I hope that by sharing my therapeutic journey, others might be encouraged to spend the time finding someone who truly understands and works with them. Whether you’re LGBTQ+, exploring kink, or facing personal challenges, finding a therapist who resonates with you is crucial – and for me, that person has been Richard.

About my counsellor

Richard, my counsellor, came into my life when I needed someone who truly understood my world—LGBTQ+ issues, kink positivity, and a willingness to embrace the unique. He’s not just a therapist; he’s someone who listens with his heart.

He uses a mixture of Gestalt¹ and humanistic techniques within his sessions.

He is a respected member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and has a history working with LGBTQ+ and men’s mental health organisations.

First sessions

Our sessions started a couple of months after I was castrated, when I gave him the brain dump of everything that had happened within the last year – culminating in my castration and becoming a eunuch. His response was warm and genuine. I immediately knew that he was the counsellor for me. I have had numerous bouts of single and couple counselling and never have I felt such a connection.

Initially, Richard met me at my office, where we talked in a meeting room. After a few weeks, he came to my flat and we sat on the floor, which proved to be the most relaxing way to conduct our sessions. Being in my own space meant that the end of the session was less abrupt and felt safer than any session I had had in a counsellor’s own office or home. It has enabled me to go deeper and risk more than I could possibly have done so anywhere but in my own space.

Richard’s tools

Richard listens and responds to what is said, not with “and how does that feel?” kind of questions, but personal responses from his heart – every one of which is non-judgemental and validating. I feel seen and heard by Richard.

With other counsellors, I have felt that the check-in at the start of a session was as much to refresh their memories as it was to recap the week – Richard remembers from week to week, and brings up things I have talked about and connects them to the current conversation from the entirety of our time together.

Richard will use tools to help me express myself as appropriate, whether those are drawing, modelling, or sometimes practical tools (such as the feelings chart). They break the session up and free me to communicate and explore my thoughts and feelings in different ways, effectively enabling me to sidestep the limitations I have in my experience and expression of emotions.

One particular session stands out when we used a feelings chart to break through some emotional confusion I was experiencing. By focusing on visualising my emotions, I was able to connect with feelings I had been struggling to express.

Sharing my story with Richard

I was especially moved when I told Richard about my castration, and I could see that he genuinely shared in my joy. For the first time, I felt truly understood in that moment – a validation of something so deeply personal.

This was an important moment that immediately told me that this was somebody whom I could trust.

Richard has helped me deal with problems in my marriage holding me emotionally while I voiced some very upsetting fears about the future of my relationship. He has also challenged and pushed back when I have been too hard on myself. I have felt that he is both on my side and impartial – a strange combination. He has encouraged me not to take the blame for everything and has suggested a number of additional resources that might help me deal with metal illness in my relationship.

Discovering ASD

Understanding my ASD has been one of the most profound changes in how I view myself, and Richard has been instrumental in that. Suddenly, so many things that confused me before – like shutdowns or literal thinking – began to make sense. Richard helped me write the supporting documentation for my doctor to write the referral letter to the local Autism service.

During our discussions on ASD², we talked about how it has affected me and identified specific examples where things have happened that have adversely affected my life – or the life of people I care about (such as my husband).

In particular we explored mechanisms to manage and prevent shutdown, as well as recognising repeated patterns of behaviour such as taking things literally.

Talking kink

Richard’s curiosity and encouragement allowed me to embrace sides of myself I had long struggled with. Our conversations about kink became a way to explore how these desires connect to my sense of identity, and opened doors in my relationship for my husband and I to explore ourselves without pressure.

I felt safe enough to share the deepest aspects of my inner kink world and fantasies. He displayed curiosity and was encouraging.

We talked about the role of kink in expressing other parts of my identity and my first steps in opening the relationship up so that my husband and I could explore other aspects of our natures in more detail – and without placing a burden on each other.

Emotional support

I have cried, at times, with him. And we laugh often. I have felt safe enough to do both these things. I have pushed myself more than at any other time in therapy.

My journey with Richard isn’t over yet, although it continues to evolve. In my first session he described how this would be a journey that we undertook together – where ever it went – he continues to be my companion on my exploration of me.

Further information

You can read about Richard here: Get There Counselling – LGBT Inclusive Online Counselling for Teens, Adults and Families.

1. Gestalt therapy is a type of psychotherapy that helps people understand themselves and their relationships by focusing on the present moment and the whole person ↩︎
2. ASD – Autistic Spectrum Disorder ↩︎